Imprisoned

Ch.36-Goodbye-

*Author's Note*-There will be one more chapter after this one and then I'll post the prologue of the sequel. I'm posting one day early because I'll be too busy tomorrow. There will be a slight break between posting this story so I can finish the next chapter of Damaged Goods, and to figure out more of the plot of the sequel. Anyways, get ready for this chapter and I hope you enjoy!

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I carefully place Valerie into her crib, covering her in her blanket as she drifts off to sleep. I walk over to my bathroom counter and pick up the breast pump I had used a minute earlier to feed Valerie. I sigh and carefully clean it in the sink before putting it on the drying rack on the counter. 

Tony is preparing an apartment in the Avengers tower for me and Valerie, where the team will be residing for the near future. Until then I've had to make do with my room, but it doesn't bother me. Being close to Valerie has helped me feel closer to Lana, and despite the grief of the loss of my own child Valerie has helped fill that void a bit. It's been a couple of days since we returned from the rescue mission and I've been busy taking care of Valerie while Wanda has been voluntarily planning Lana's funeral.

Loki's been avoiding me ever since we got back. I know he's leaving for Asgard soon and I can't quite bring myself to say goodbye. We've been through so much together and no matter how much I wish things were back to normal I don't see them ever being what they once were. We've changed, I've changed, and now what I need is some time alone to really figure out things for myself and focus on taking care of Valerie. My whole life I'd prided myself on needing no one but myself and recently I've become too dependent on Loki. I waited for months for him and the Avengers to come to save me, and those months cost me my child, our child. If I only would have acted sooner then Eira would be alive and so would Lana. So for now it is best that Loki leaves so that I can really focus on myself and raise this child as I would my own. And I can't do that with the constant reminder of what I could've had.

Two gentle knocks on my door startle me out of my thoughts and I glance back at Valerie to make sure she's still sleeping. She is. I quietly make my way to my door and open it to find Loki staring at me sadly from the other side.

"Oh, Loki, hi," I say in a hushed tone. Loki takes a deep intake of breath before speaking,

"I need to talk to you." I pause for a moment, glancing back at the sleeping baby again.

"Okay, but not here, I just got her to sleep. One second." I say, grabbing the baby monitor and gently shutting the door to my room, stepping into the hallway. "Where to?" I ask.

"In my room," Loki answers, walking down a few doors across the hallway and opening the door to his new room for me. I give him a timid, thankful smile as I walk in and place the baby monitor on a dresser. Loki closes the door behind him and walks to me, staying a safe distance from me.

"I depart for Asgard within the hour," Loki starts, "I wanted to let you know. I-I just thought you should know." I can tell Loki's trying to hide his emotions but I can see through it. He's sad, he's a bit hurt, and he doesn't want to leave but he'd do it for me, and my heart clenches in my chest at the thought.

"Thank you for letting me know Loki. I'm glad you came to say goodbye." Loki looks down for a moment before looking back at me.

"I just want to know...I want to know what I did. If I don't ask now it will torment me for the rest of time," Loki continues, desperation clouding his face. I sigh regretfully, considering my next words.

"...Loki...you-you did nothing. It's not about what you did or didn't do for me, you did everything you could Loki and I understand that. And I appreciate that I really do. But I feel like this," I say, motioning around the room. "Is not something we can fix. I need to fix this myself. I need to figure out my life and I can't bear to drag you along with me. I can't hold you, hostage, anymore Loki. Look at what it's done to you. I can feel your pain, even though you hide it." I take a deep breath as I feel my eyes welling with tears and take a step closer to Loki, wrapping my hands gingerly around the back of his neck. Tears are welling in his eyes as well. "I love you Loki, nothing could change that. I still love you, and I will always love you...but right now what I need is to be alone. And by being with you right now it's hurting you because I can't be with you in the way you want. Go to Asgard, be free, live your life Loki. I'll be here if you ever need me." A single tear trickles down my cheek and Loki's hand raises to wipe it away. His hand stays on my face, cradling my cheek and I'll have to admit I've missed this. My body is now pressed closely against his and our foreheads are together as we both stare into each other's eyes.