Ultraviolence

Chapter 34: Poker Face

Songs: Poker Face - Lady Gaga 

It was difficult to get out of bed the next morning. My mother's words still echoed in the back of my mind. Stay away from her. Stay away until you know everything. Make your choice then.

If these very words were said to me months ago, I would have obeyed as though it were the easiest order in the world. The easiest thing now would be to fall into loving her. It would be effortless. Staying away was the opposite: grueling, difficult, frustrating.

Are people in love always this pathetic? I didn't even so much as resent her for turning me into this.

Dawn was on the verge of over when I finally decided to step out of bed. The window opened to reveal cold and wet air. It had been raining all night and the smell of it still lingered in the chilly breeze. I had to leave before it was too late before she woke up and stormed in, asking for answers, speculating, wanting to know more, the usual. It was actually pretty sweet now that I'm thinking about it. Always so curious.

Madam Pomfrey stepped in with breakfast. "Thank you, but I have to leave today. Right now actually, before the others wake up." She eyed me curiously.

"Eat. Then you may go. There's nothing I can do for you anymore, that scar has proven incapable of healing." She placed the tray of food on the messy bed, and carefully removed the white, now white-yellowish plaster.

The dark markings ingrained on my hand alarmed her slightly which she tried her best to conceal before walking away.

It didn't matter to me. Those same doleful markings made me see everything I had forgotten. True, I could've just believed her when she told me what my parents did the very same night it happened and perhaps the scars and the pain could've been avoided. Let's just say trusting others wasn't a forte.

I ate. Made my bed, then left.

It took every ounce of strength not to glance at her sleeping figure only steps away. Not to touch her, maybe even kiss her goodbye if I was feeling particularly brave. I never was.

-

The common room was dull and looked and felt exactly the same way before I left. I anticipated that I would feel more comfortable here, but I was wrong. I was surrounded by idiots.

"You're back," said Flint, the biggest idiot of all.

"Don't ever talk to me." I headed to my dormitory.

I had to change into uniform before I could search the library for any mentions of the words "Anima" or "Pensieve." Who knows, maybe they had a book titled "What To Do When Your Parents Erase Your Memory To Keep You Away From The Only Girl You Ever Remotely Cared For: A Guide." They probably didn't.

I opened the door and immediately wished I hadn't. There, in the bed right beside mine, laid Pansy and Blaise. They weren't being so friendly.

Blaise cursed as Pansy gasped and reached for the bedsheets.

"Don't bother, I've already seen it all." I opened the closet doors and began to dress. I had suspected this might happen for some time now so it didn't bother me in the least. If he were to hurt Pansy though, then we might have a problem. Until then, they could act like rabbits for all I care.

"Listen, mate-"

"Don't." I threw the grey sweater over my head, picked out a leather belt, some trousers, and headed towards the door. "Just don't hurt her alright? Not unless you want more bruises across your face." A pointless threat, I wouldn't actually hurt him after what happened at that party. Save me the embarrassment. But still, it was a good warning.