● Quote 1
(with brat Kay)
Alf: Hey, wanna see a person who has been acting bratty all day and is about to be punished?
Kay, colouring in: What did they do?
Alf: They nearly broke all of the plates, refuses to put their stuffed animals away, refuses to have a proper meal for dinner, and refuses to drink anything but coffee
Kay: *mutters* But I have done all of those things...
Alf: *shows the picture* See, that's who's gonna be punished
Kay: That's a picture of me...
Alf: Correct
Kay: ...
Kay: *runs*
● Quote 2
Maxie: Genie, how is it cavemen survived the asteroid but the dinosaurs never?
Genie: By social distancing, Maxie. They stayed 65 million years apart
● Quote 3
Selly: Thoth was the god of knowledge, so it wouldn't be inappropriate to ask 'Θώθ, what's this?'
Genie: ...What creature possessed you to say this?
● Quote 4
Genie: Dude, nothing rhymes with orange...
Victor: False
Genie: What do you mean 'false'?
Victor: Nothing does not rhyme with orange
Genie: What?
Victor: Nothing and orange do not rhyme
Genie: That's not what I'm saying, I'm saying that there is no other word that rhymes with orange
Victor: ...Door hinge
● Quote 5
Duck, singing: This woman is my destiny~
Duck, pointing at Selly: She said...
Selly, singing along: Oooh~ Shut up
Selly, speaking normally: Shut up
Kay, who witnessed the whole thing: *crying of laughter*
● Quote 6
Lucifer (Kay and Maxie's dad): Kay, you know what today is?
Kay: Yeah, it's Sunday
Lucifer: No
Kay: Yes it is fucking Sunday, look at a fucking calender
Lucifer: I know it's Sunday
Kay: No you didn't, you just said no-
Lucifer, getting annoyed: Besides Sunday!
Kay: Besides Sunday?
Lucifer: Yes, besides Sunday!
Kay: Monday
Lucifer: No!
Kay: Yeah, Monday's besides Sunday, it's right beside it because it goes Sunday then Monday
Kay: You're fucking dumb, I swear
Lucifer: It's father's day!
Kay: Huh?
Lucifer: Today. Is. Father's. Day!
Kay: So you already knew what today was?
Lucifer: Yes!
Kay: So what the fuck did you ask me for?!
● Quote 7
Maxie: Hey, did you guys know that there is a knife that gets so hot, it instantly turns your bread into toast when you cut it?!
Duck: Dude, imagine stabbing somebody with that
Genie: Well, if it was that hot, it would instantly cauterise the wound, so it wouldn't be very effective
Alf: It's effective if you want information
Duck: *snickers*
Genie: *sighs and carries on reading*
Maxie: Why would you be stabbing people when you could have toast...?
● Quote 8
(in the future)
Kay and Alfs child: Mummy, where do babies come from?
Kay: They come from a stork
Child: But isn't the baby too heavy?
Kay: It's a magical stork
Child: That doesn't make any sense
Kay: *mutters* Fuck it
Kay: DADDY FUCKED MUMMY!
Alf, from the kitchen: DAMN RIGHT I DID!
● Quote 9
Maxie: What if your life is only a day long, and sleep is us dying, but dreams are us watching an ad to get an extra life?
Genie: Maxie, it's currently 3am, please go back to sleep and do not say another word until it's at least 7:30am, then I can tolerate these types of questions
● Quote 10
Kay: You're the love of my life and you're my best friend, I would do anything for you two
Alf: I want you to eat three meals a day
Duck: And I want you to have a decent sleep schedule
Kay: Absolutely not
● Quote 11
(Duck and Selly texting)
Duck: I almost just drowned in the sink
Selly: Duck, what the hell?
Duck: Imagine the headline that would make: Local Idiot Drowns in Sink 🤣
Selly: And how does one drown in a sink?
Duck: I filled it with water and put my face in it, but my head got stuck under the faucet
Selly: Duck
Selly: Sweetheart
Selly: WTF?!
● Quote 12
Kay: Honey, what's for dinner?
Alf, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret
● Quote 13
Genie: Kay, you often use humor to deflect your trauma
Kay: Thank you
Selly: She never said that was a good thing, Kay
Kay: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
● Quote 14
Selly: Ok, maybe playing 'whose family is most dysfunctional' wasn't the best idea we've had...
Alf: Care to explain why?
Maxie: Kay's been crying in the bathroom for the past hour, and none of us can get him out...
● Quote 15
Maxie: Oh Genie, just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Genie: ...
Genie: Maxie, I swear, if I step outside and see all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Maxie: *sips coffee from bowl* No they're not
YOU ARE READING
Random RT Stories
RandomTitle kinda says it all. All sorts of stories will be in this such as abuse, smut (maybe), fluff etc, AUs and everything else.
