The Ally (Yelena x Reader)

Chapter 17

"You're wrong!"

Silence filled the room upon realization of what I had just said.

Great not only did I cry I front of the people who I've been trying to prove myself to I now have begun talking to myself.

I groaned as a pushed my self up from the floor with my elbow.

After Yelena had left I had downed an entire bottle of whiskey. True to her word she had stopped by to check in on me but I had pretended to be asleep. The only problem was that pretending turned into reality and I only woke up when I fell off the couch hours later.

I looked around and noticed that the place looked cleaner than before.

She must of cleaned it up a bit.

Slowly I stood up still feeling a bit dizzy. Whether it was from drinking or being poisoned I could not tell but not being able to deal with the guilt of self destruction I blamed it on the event two nights ago.

Nothing had seemed to go right ever since Erwin died but then again I wasn't sure what right even was like.

I was a scout. No, I am a scout.

The only thing ever asked of us was to dedicate our hearts and I had always been willing to give up everything until the last beat.

I'd made it as a cadet for years because the truth was that I was afraid of making the decision to die and regretting it.

How could I ever allow myself to die when I heard the agonizing screams of my comrades.

If I let myself become tiran food i know I'd regret it because while the pain of my bones being crushed made my mind foggy the last seconds of my life would be filled with memories of those in the same spot before me and the regret of not living for them.

But I also regret not dying instead of them either.

Guilt is a funny thing. The same thing that makes me want to die is the very reason keeping me alive.

I look out the window and notice that it is dark outside. The pocket watch sitting on the table reads 2:54 a.m.

I needed time to think. Time to feel like me again. I stood up knocking over a bag in the process. The contents came spilling out and a familiar green bolo tie landed next to my foot.

I picked it up and wrapped it in my hands.

Slowly I crept out into the hallway and wandered around the building. I had found a ladder that lead to the roof but I had never had the nerve to climb up.

I climbed up carefully and turned the latch at the top quietly climbing out.

The small iron door was heavy so i left it open in fear that it might close on me and prevent me from getting back down.

The stars shown brightly in the sky lighting up everything around me.

My legs began moving on their own closer and closer to the edge. I wanted to feel the wind against my hair, against my skin.

I closed my eyes focusing on the sound of my breathing.

It was peaceful.

I took another step forward. I stood so close to the edge I refused to open my eyes and look down.

I felt my eyes tear up again.

It would be over soon, all I had to do now was wait.

Wait for the enemy.

Except this time the enemy wasn't a titan.

It wasn't the mp.

It wasn't Zeke, Reiner, or Berthold.