Emergency Medical Dad

XL: present, early july

this scene was absolutely not clicking and then my friend group exploded and we all went through some shit and bingo suddenly it worked just like it is usually with writing so here we go

plz comment and tell me if any of this makes sense because i honest to god wrote it in a haze

***

JESSIE

Oh

And it's like nothing ever changed, like his shoulders were still thin and his voice still higher. And it's like I never left my bed at home, like I'm still wearing socks with frills on them and a school skirt. It's like he's still sitting there smiling at me with red eyes, like he's still kissing me clumsily and learning me things I thought I'd experience after getting married. Like he's teaching me all his ways to break the rules again.

Oh

And suddenly I see everything I didn't see before, his smile and the small wrinkles in the corners of his eyes that he didn't have when he was just a touch younger. And suddenly his shoulder is the only place I want to lean my head and his body is drawing me in, warm and soft and gentle.

Oh

And he's so familiar, as if I'd never left the brush of his fingers on my waist, like I'd never let him let me go. Like I'd never fallen away from him. Like he never disappeared.

Oh

And he's still Jorgen, still Jorgen all the way through. He's not new and different and hard to figure out, he's the little sixteen year old that I became infatuated with in high school, with boots that were too big for him and a jacket that was too wide for his shoulders. He's still the boney clumsy kid that couldn't catch a frisbee for his life and still the huge nerd that did calculus earlier than the rest of us and always knew everything. And he's still everything I knew about him in high school all in the same spots, just older.

Oh

And he's just different in the slightest way, just softer around the edges, just having shed his odds and ends layers and picked up a few different ones. It's still Jorgen, still Jorgen that I was in love with, still everything about him.

Oh

And still the same smile and the same eyes that soften when he's looking at people he likes and the same hands and the same lips that kiss me in the same way and just the same heart once you get past everything that surrounds it.

Oh

And I'm still in love with him.

And I'm still in love with him.

In love with him.

With him, with him, with him.

I look up at him, realizing slowly out of my small haze that he's got me tucked very very gently up against his warm chest under his arm, letting me curl up into his side.

His head taps down against the side of mine, nose in my hair so his mouth can be closer to my ear: "just tell me when you want to go to bed, mhkay?" He tips his head so he can press a kiss above my ear, soft and sweet and warm.

"Mhkay," I mumble back, snuggling down further. "Soon, I'm tired."

He just nods, leaning in all the way this time and pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead making my skin tingle and a tiny shiver go down my back.

It's nothing, I know I can't have him.

I know I can't have him.

I know I can't.