Grotesque || Bucky Barnes x Reader

1

authors note:
whilst re-reading this book, i understand how god damn confusing this is. if you are prepared for confusion then continue but if not... im sorry. this book is confusing and boring even for me, I suggest my other book about bucky as it is less confusing. Either way I thank you for your support.


"wake up!" Steve says, banging on my door. "You're late for training again", he says, barging in throwing clothes at me as I sit up and notice that he wasn't the only figure in the room "typical" the other figure scoffs as I rub my eyes and notice, it was James, the most stuck up, arrogant person I know. I reach for my inhaler and kick the boys out, making sure to lock the door and get dressed. Steve and I are close in ways that he doesn't know. I would say we are best friends, but then you see him with James, and it's like you don't even exist anymore.

"Why do I even do this training?" I question the symbol of America as James rolls his eyes, causing me to give him a death stare "we still don't know exactly what you are capable of because you could potentially be a thre-" "threat" I cut him off "I could potentially be a threat yeah no Stark has said that to me a few times" I scoff looking over to James who has a smug look on his face "god. You're so bratty, Barnes gets a hold of yourself", I mumble as he rolls his eyes and looks away "no, y/n that's not what I meant", Steve says, trying to catch his words. I chuckled. His face was bright red. It was funny how he thought I was offended. He always had that look of embarrassment plastered all over his face, but I always knew what he meant.

James Barnes was and is lucky; he is fortunate that I don't whoop his ass right here, but unlike him, I'm able to keep my emotions to myself or, well, I'm good at trying. On the other hand, James likes to rub every flaw in my face, the 'inability to control my powers' or the 'unfavoured child' thing.

"James, get in the ring," I say as he looks at me with a shocked expression. I don't think he understood how badly I wanted to beat his sorry ass "no," he says, instantly rejecting, "it wasn't an offer Barnes get in the ring with me", I say, warming up, as he slowly gets into the ring I can sense his uneasiness "I don't hit girls" he mumbles "well, in that case, I'm a man" I say "now fight me like one" I throw my fists up as he takes a swing at me and misses as I blast him with the most fantastic roundhouse kick I have ever done. Barnes goes flying across the other side of the room. All I hear is a slow clap coming from Thor "lady y/n I am impressed" he smiles as I wave at him "hey thor", I smile going to kiss him on the cheek "we are not done" Barnes yells "I think we are actually" Steve smiles.

Time skip - 2 Hours

James has been trying to get me back in the ring for the past 2 hours since his embarrassing defeat. He feels weak I can tell. He got kicked by a woman and was sent flying across the room I mean who wouldn't be embarrassed, I walk into the kitchen to see him cooking some food "don't burn the house would ya Barnes?" I ask as he turns and rolls his eyes at my 'annoying' presence "I'm one hundred years old y/l/n I don't think I could possibly forget how to cook food" he says annoyed as I chuckle grabbing a beer from out of the fridge completely ignoring the fact that is was labelled 'Bucky' as I feel a strong arm grab my wrist "are you blind" He says as I glare at him and shake my head "not to my knowledge my vision is pretty good" I smirk "that is mine" He says through his gritted teeth.

"what are you going to do about it, Barnes? punch me" the words fell out of my mouth, I was never known to be this cocky I swear this was even new to me but then I feel his grip get tighter "no but I can squeeze the life out of you" he whispers in my ear "oh really and you would have my screaming your name for forgiveness is that how you want this to play out" there it was again that unknown cocky side of me... why? "well maybe it is," he said grinding his teeth together as I hand him the beer "looks like you have burnt your meal James" I slightly smile to him walking away to see that James and I weren't the only ones in the kitchen because Sam, Wanda and Natasha were there.

Slowly making my way back to my room I feel someone following me as I turn around and notice it was James "James?" I question to see him staring at me angrily "You made me burn my protein" He says slightly pissed off and tips the beer on me "JAMES" I scream staring at him "you grotesque motherfucker" I say pissed off and punching him "this was my favourite t-shirt" I say elbowing him in the stomach as he groans in pain "oh boohoo so it was your favourite t-shirt" He mocks me looking me dead in the eye with no emotion or anything "rot in hell" I spit in his face storming off.

I plop on my bed with a new t-shirt and change the channel to the news channel " The Avengers Superhero 'Y/n Y/l/n' has some unknown powers, does her partner James Bucky Barnes know about this or was it all sudden" of course the news would try to find anything bad on the avengers, I turn off the TV ignoring everything and plugging in my headphones and I hear a gentle knock on the door "come in" I say sitting up as Steve walks in with a box of chocolates and flowers.

"oh hey, steve" I smile patting the empty space next to me for him to sit down, he sits down next to me and hands me a box with a smile "what's this?" I say continuing to smile as he shrugs "Well you did well in training today and I'm proud of you" He chuckles and I hug him "you're the best bud I could ever ask for cap" I whisper kissing him on the cheek, Cap and I never had a relationship but something deep down in me always felt different with him I felt happy more happy than usual but It could never be my feelings for him because they simply don't exist, well that's what i told myself anyways.

Steve stands up and I look at him and shake my head "you don't have anything to do later so come and eat this with me" I mumble but it was clear enough for him to hear me, without question he sits back down next to me and I give him some of my blanket.

"So" I say breaking off a piece of chocolate "hm" he says waiting for me to continue as I stuff my face with chocolate "tomorrow James and I have a mission" I pause to chew my food "I was wondering is there like anything I need to know about the mission or about Barnes" I say as Steve nods "try to be nice to him on this mission y/n" and with those six words I couldn't help but feel sick, how could I be nice to him when he is never nice to me.

"this mission will probably be the hardest for him and no its not because he has to work with you its because its to go get information from HYDRA" Steve says looking at me and then the door but then back at me "HYDRA?" I ask as he nods. HYDRA has never been the most nicest power giving company, not to James anyways. James never told me about HYDRA but he didn't have to, I knew, somehow I knew deep down he was hurt whenever that word was mentioned. James never spoke about HYDRA to anyone but Steve and Sam which are his two bestfriends of course but I knew what he went through, not because of steve or sam because they did the same to me.

I never told anyone because it was too grotesque for me to try and forget all the trauma, the machinery and the commands all the people I've killed. To everyone else I was a saint someone who was determined to save the world but to me, I was a sinner trying to right my wrongs. Late at night I stare at the ceiling and think about all the killings, involuntary missions, assassinations it was all PTSD but I never let it show especially not to James Buchanan Barnes he would try to understand me and i don't want him to feel bad for me

To everyone else, I am y/n y/l/n the 27-year-old saint who wants to save the world one mission at a time with her magic powers that randomly appeared when she was abandoned but in reality, I am y/n y/l/n, the 97-year-old ex-assassin with super-soldier strength and powers like the goddess of death and never uses them, i am y/n who killed hundreds of people not by choice but by force, but no one would ever find out, ever.

"y/n?"