He Says He's Just A Friend

Chapter 12 - Crush Culture

- Clay -

I wallowed in a funk of despair and self-loathing for several days, fretting about what happened. I barely ate. I also worried about what I did in the shower when I got home that day—what I thought about while doing it—and what that meant for me.

Emmett was all I could think about. Every time he came to mind, desire took over, overshadowing all other thoughts. Emmett's soft hands grabbing my face, pulling it to his, connecting us at the lips. Then came the tongues, and the hands, and everything else.

I had never experienced this kind of uncontrollable lust for someone before. I'd had five girlfriends, and not a single one of them elicited this response. They were all beautiful girls—Summer more than anyone. I cared about each of them, but I never wanted them like this. I never craved their touch the way I craved Emmett's.

The mere thought of Emmett's hands on me sent me reeling more than actually having sex ever had, and that scared me.

Seeking a non-sexual outlet to relieve all that tension, I tried working out. It always worked on my anxiety. I figured it might help with this, too. I started with my usual jog around the neighborhood. When that proved fruitless, I moved on to more intense exercises: push-ups, pull-ups, crunches, lunges, squats. I tried everything.

Nearly an hour later, I finally gave up the effort. It didn't work. The only way to make it go away was to give in to it.

Afterwards, I showered and dressed, making up my mind that I needed to see Emmett. Distance didn't make the feelings go away, so why torture myself? It had been five days, and I missed him terribly.

How was it possible to miss someone I just met this much?

I drove up the street to pick up a bag of doughnuts from Donut Run. I'd burned enough calories this morning to earn one—or five.

My skin felt electrified as I neared Emmett's street. If I kept going straight, I could just go back home. Back to my old life. Eat my doughnuts and keep ignoring these feelings. Maybe they would eventually pass.

I didn't even realize I'd made the turn until I saw Emmett's house up ahead. Apparently, my body decided for me. My body wanted Emmett, even if my mind was resisting.

I parked at the curb in front of the blue house. I grabbed the bag of doughnuts and headed up the sidewalk, lined with little yellow flowers.

The front door opened before I got there. Emmett's mother stepped out. She was a beautiful woman with the same olive skin and black hair as her son. I hadn't taken the time to notice her the other day, too concerned with checking out Emmett. Also, she had her face mostly hidden behind her giant coffee mug almost the whole time.

Mrs. Noble startled at the sight of me. She clutched at her chest. "You scared me."

"Sorry." I offered a sheepish grin. "I don't know if you remember me, from the other day."

"If I didn't on my own, my son has made sure I can't forget."

What did that mean? Had Emmett been talking about me a lot?

"Is he here?"

She laughed, brushing her hair back off her shoulder. "Emmett is still in bed. He rarely wakes up before eleven when school is out."

"Oh." My excitement deflated, my shoulders slumping. Eleven was two more hours. "I guess I'll just, um... I'll come back later."

"Wait!" Mrs. Noble said when I turned to go. I looked back over my shoulder. "You're more than welcome to try waking him." She pushed the front door open and waved inside.