MAKE ME STAY (MAKE ME GO BOOK ll)

Make Me Stay : Thirty Five

Chaeyoung

My tears started to fall from my eyes as soon as Mina left me alone inside my car. I watched her as rain slowly soaked her while walking away until she completely disappear before my eyes

It hurts me watching her slowly walking away from me. It hurts me seeing her cry and broke her heart but I've no choice. This is the only thing I think that could be the best for her

It realky shattered my heart to pieces knowing this might really be the last time that I'll see her but what hurts me the most is saying I don't love her anymore when in fact, it's the other way around

I love her

I love her so much and I'll always do but this love ain't enough for the both of us anymore. I had already done so many things that caused her too much pain because of my selfishness and maybe cowardness

I cheated.

I lied.

I keep secrets, plenty of dark ones

But there's this dark secret in the past that I had just found out lately that will probably make Mina hate me and my family more than anything. It's one of the darkest secret that my family has been hiding from me all these years

And that secret is my brother killing Mina's father..

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(Flashbacks)

Back when I was a little child, my grandfather always told me that power and wealth is the greatest thing a man can ever had. Without those two, you'd be nothing but a piece of useless trash that roams around the earth for the powerful and wealthy ones.

The first-born in the family always comes with a bigger expectations, priviledges and responsibilities but not when you were born as a woman. To our family, women were just a decoration and a burden. For them, women are just a weaklings and were just born to serve the men in the household. They were just born to made a name in various fields for the clan's glory

I don't understand it all back then. I just thought that those things were the one that makes our family perfect but not until I began witnessing how my father treats and beats my mother back then. I slowly realize that my family isn't the perfect family that I once dreamed of

Then one day, we found out that my mother took her own life by taking too much sleeping pills leaving me and my little brother in the hands of my heartless father and grandfather. Everyone didn't even bother to gave my mom a proper burial even my own dad and just threw her body away like a trash because they said it's just a waste of time. After that, I began opposing my father and my grandfather out of anger.

I always messed things up just to annoy them while making sure my brother won't follow their rotten steps. My grandfather was so mad at me. He was accusing me that I am brainwashing my little brother's mind just like what our mother did to us so he decided to kick me out of the house. He let me live with the daughters of one of our family's business partners

I live my life away from them and accepted my new life with my new family which is Jeongyeon unnie, Dahyun unnie and Tzuyu but I still tried my best to reach out to my little brother until one day, I heard that he already killed someone when he was just seventeen. As soon as I heard that I realized that I failed. I failed as a daughter to my mother. I failed as a big sister to my brother.

I failed them and that failure made me think that I'm better off to be alone

After that day, I started to despise relationships and children. I despise relationships thinking it'll just turned out to be like my parents. I started hating children as well not because they're noisy and attention seekers, actually I started hating them because I was scared to fail again. I was scared thinking I can't take care of them. I'm not good enough and I will never be good enough to look after them and my brother is the perfect example to it