Night

Ch. 32

Chris' P.O.V.

Alx has called me to his office. Can I even call that anymore?

I fucked up. Well and truly.

I don't want to talk to anyone. But I need to get back to work. I need to work. It's the only way I'll feel somewhat normal again. 

I've come to terms with it. I have.

I know they're gone. I know this isn't some fucked up nightmare, despite wanting it to be.

I know that they're never coming back. 

I will never see them again.

Fuck.

I'll never see them again.

No, you can't go there. that won't help anyone. 

They're in a better place. I know that.

I know that.

I just can't seem to shack this. Feeling empty all the time. And if I'm not, I'm pissed. Pissed at myself. Knowing all the things I should have done better.

I left them.

I shouldn't have done that. But I couldn't have stayed. I couldn't have.

Walking to his desk, I sand straight. "Alpha?" Holding my head down in submission. 

"You may still call me Alx, Chris."

Relieved, I lift my head. Only to be met with a sympathetic gaze. It angers a part of me. the part of me that doesn't want people's sympathy. The part that screams 'they can't possibly know what I'm going through'. The other part of me knows that if anyone would understand. It would be him.

"Sit." offering me a seat.

Nodding my head, I do so.

"How are you holding up?"

How am I holding up? What the fuck am I supposed to say? "As well as can be expected, I guess."

Sighing he nods. "What I'm about to tell you is hard to hear. And I might not be the right person for this. But Shayla can't tell you this herself."

What is he talking about?

"She's still blaming herself. Believing that she should have known something was wrong. That she should have responded faster."

She told him.

She told him what happened?

"Why did she tell you?"

Making him look up at me. The same look on his face. "It's easier to tell someone that isn't emotionally connected to them. Easier but never easy. She still struggled." 

Biting my cheek, I nod. What torture has she been through? "How?"

"Shayla believes it to be a robbery gone bad."

That doesn't answer my question.  "How?"

He stares at me. Reluctant to tell me. Knowing I won't react well. Sighing he answers. "Your father had his throat slit. And your mother was strangled to death." 

My breathing becomes heavy. I clench my fists no longer able to control it. Not wanting to. All I see is red. And all I can think about is how I'm going to hunt them down and kill them.

"Chris-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" cutting him off.

"Shayla has already killed them, Chris."

She killed them.

No, she couldn't have.

"She didn't kill them."

"She did."

"No. She wouldn't have. She couldn't."

"Why?" 

Why? She promised. That's why.

She broke her promises and it still wasn't enough. She doesn't need this.

"Why? Chris."

"She promised them that she would never kill anyone."

He doesn't understand.

"She broke a promise that she's held for over 13 years. She broke her morals. And it still wasn't enough." palling on my hair. "She's always criticised herself for not being enough. And again she wasn't enough. She will never forgive herself."

Now he understands.

-

"I need to return to my duties." breaking the silence we've been sitting in for however long.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Chris." trying to reason

"I need to work, Alx."

He sighs seeming to understand.

"And I can't leave Shayla alone. I've done enough of that already."

"Chris..." he trails off. Voicing his disapproval.

"She needs me." No, she doesn't "I need her. I need her around. I need to know that when I turn around that she's still going to be there. I need to know she's still here. I need to know that I won't lose her too." Pleading with him. Showing him how venerable I am.

His eyes dart across my face. Sighing, he rubs his forehead. "I'll allow it." holding his hand over his mouth. "If anything goes wrong, I will take action." He warns.

Meaning the loss of my title.

He can't keep giving me leeway. The others will start to think he's become soft. Some might challenge him, and he can't have that. If he kills them he's the bad guy. If he doesn't they kill him.

"I understand. Thank you, Alx."