Masquerade

Twentytwo: Alpha to come

The weekend passes like in seconds, I somewhat cherish for Monday.
Maybe because of Amity, I should have gotten myself a phone or something, but what use would that be without her number?
And so I sit on my bed at a Sunday evening and feel so much like a school girl, butterflies in stomach and a scene constantly plays out in my mind.
How will I even react when seeing her?

Just go up to her and be like, rinse and repeat?

Be romantic?

I can't really think of a way that wouldn't be either cringe or embarrassing for me,
this romantic stuff isn't as easy as I thought, but I can't just ask for advice.
Just stroll up to Eda and be like, "Hey, got some advice on how to encounter a girl you kissed and shit?"
I sigh and let myself fall into my bed, I look up to the ceiling and really have to ask myself if everyone else has the same problem with love and stuff.

Maybe this is why Amity ran away, perhaps we really life so deprived of love and someone close to us that we simply forget how to duplicate this feeling.

Ha, good joke, which society would give up on basic needs for secondary ones.

You did it yourself

Ghostly the sentence seems to linger in the cold air of the room.
While the golden light of the setting sun shines through the dyed glass, it seems like a ghastly figure stands in the swirl of dust.

"You are very vocal in the last time, don't you think"
A slight headache resurges, my view getting blurry for a moment.

I am not the one responsible for it

The voice gets clearer, sounds more humanlike and the edges of the figure gets sharper.

I am what you lock away, Luz, not a timed event, just your psyche

I just turn away, turning my gaze towards the white wall.

One day you cant run away, this is what I had to accept

Not judging, not angry, but sad and so distant.
"I know, but I cant just stop now, not now", I whisper to myself while clutching a pillow.

And while I lay there, with quivering wings a crow lands on the roof, watching the sun slowly drowning in the land with her deep black eyes.

As morning comes I am already awake, the nights with peaceful sleep seem now so much more rare.
Just sitting there, feet dangling of the edge of the bed, myself hunched over.

I need a mirror

Just stumbling towards the mirror a panic burns up every hope in myself.

And its feel like I don't even know who looks back.
While I grasp at the frame of the mirror with trembling hands, a figure with hard look and emotionless face looks back and as I touch the glass her movements mirror mine.

I know that I look at myself, but this cold touch of polished glass feels like I see another person on the other side.

A parasite that ate up myself a long time ago.

Or what? What even is this?

A reflection of myself? Of who I am ? Of how people see me?

I lay my flat hand onto the glass, as if I could feel an answer from this.

Is this just a part of me?
Or did I already usurp my role as Luz Pittsburgh, discard of anything old, deemed useless and thrown out.

I turn away my gaze, letting myself slide down beside the mirror, still in my sleep wear, but the cold floor doesn't matter now.
I just want to sleep again, not question it, just forget it.

As the sun shines again through the glass I didn't sleep a minute again, just out of fear that I would wake up to be a different person.
My body is filled with an anxious tension, every nerve strained to its hardest.

What if Amity loves a facet of myself that doesn't even exist in my real self?

Gathering myself up from the floor a thought races through my mind.

I will make it work, somehow, act now, find a solution later.

And so I end up after a breakfast and quick small talk with Eda at the school, the daily crowd Infront of it as always.
But as I make my way to the usual spot where Amity and her clique are, a unusual sight hit me,
nobody is even there.
A bit startled and confused I just let the crowd carry myself into the school.

Each lesson just seems to fly by, most of the students are still spent somehow and even the teacher seem less interested in teaching and in the last lesson before recess, a possible reason turns up.

Amity Blight, the first time ever, is on sick leave.

Another wave of disappointment hits me, is this just a very rare coincidence or is she actively trying to avoid any further run-ins with me?
Still in thoughts, someone taps me on the shoulder.
I turn slowly to my left to see Amitys messenger again.
"What do you want again?", I ask her in a sore tone, she seems a bit shy but answer,
"Well, first of all, the lesson is over, and as I look around me, everyone really left,
"And second of all, they called a meeting for the every member of us, so you included".

So my heart recovers a bit as she drags me to the room that seems to be the headquarters,
maybe she is gonna be there, who else could even have called that anyways?

But as I enter the room I can see a lot of faces, but not hers, but one of them all seems more recognizable than anyone else.

Zander, he stands Infront of the crowd, papers in hands, a unique look on his face.
A mixture of sadness, grief and letdown paints his facial expression.

"You may all wonder, why we had to call this here" he begins a bit sluggish, his gesture motioning to everyone in the room,
"It isn't one of the most pleasant things to talk about, maybe one of the worst", everyone seems to become silent and also an aura of concerning mumbling lights up.
"Today, I have to sadly report, that Amity will not come back for a while, as she is bound elsewhere".
The mumbling breaks out, a full on discussion ensues.
"But!", Zander shouts, the whole room becoming quiet again,
"I can ensure, that there is no threat to her, she will come back after some time, on the other hand, we have to ask ourselves, who is gonna be our leader?".
I am mesmerized as the crowd seems to follow his every move and rhetorical act.
"You don't have to fear for neither radical change or revolt.", he makes a short pause.

"Amitys parents, decided, that I should lead you from now on and together, I think we can finally dominate again, be the family on top".
His gesture become more erratic and aggressive.
"Together we will succed".

Some of the crowd begin to cherr, some applaud, some nod, but as I look to my left, where Amitys messenger stands, she seems more shook than anyone else.

But not in ecstasy or cheering, it is pure shock that lays in her eyes

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Another friday again, another chapter, lets start slowly with the intersting part of this story.
See ya all next week.

Ya Author