gureshin - the lavenders that grow on your porch

funeral. i never liked the word

[shinya's pov]

-funeral. I never liked the word. I mean, who does?

Funerals were a sad occasion, where everyone dressed in black and celebrated the life of a loved one. Doesn't feel like a celebration, anyway. 

(if i lost you in that sentence, please note that i am implying that funerals are the celebration of the life of the passed one, not celebrating that someone is dead)

I heard the news from Mahiru, who was there when the police arrived. I wished that I had booked the vet on a different day so I could be there with Guren.

Guren hadn't been answering my texts. He wasn't in school, either. I was starting to get worried about him and wished even more that I was there when he needed somebody. 

Sure, Mahiru was there, but...

Now I'm dressed in a black suit and I'm attending Sakae Ichinose's funeral. Yes, he was the head of a lowly branch family and I don't know why the Hiragi's are attending, but at least I can check up on Guren and see if he's okay.

He definitely isn't okay.

His black hair is messed up like he didn't bother combing it like he usually does. His once piercing violet eyes are dull, and his skin is almost as pale as mine. It's as if he died on the day his father did.

I want more than anything to fly across the room and hug him to make him feel a little better, but alas I am not a bird. All I can do is smile empathetically across the room at him, willing him not to be sad as if that would ever make him feel any better.

Somehow, it seemed like this funeral was sadder than most. It had just finished raining yesterday, so the grass in the cemetery was damp and drooping as if they were sad as well. 

When we were burying Sakae Ichinose, it started to rain again, so we all opened up our black umbrellas, making it an even gloomier sight.

After the funeral ended, (I'm SORRY i cannot write about funerals i don't remember how they work) I found Guren sitting under an especially sad sycamore tree. He didn't have an umbrella and the tree hardly had any leaves, so he was getting thoroughly drenched.

"Hey," I walk over to him and sit down. I shift my umbrella arm so that we are both under it.

"Hey," he replies, staring into the distance.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I say, "I said that through text, but you didn't see it so..."

What the hell are you saying, Shinya?! I thought to myself.

Guren nodded slowly, "Yeah. I haven't been checking my messages."

I nod, "I understand. Are you okay?"

"As okay as somebody who just lost their dad can be." 

I hesitate. Guren doesn't seem to be in the talking mood, "I... I'm not sure if this helps, but both my parents died in a car crash, or a car accident, anyway. Just... If you need anybody to talk to you can talk to me."

Guren simply nods.

"Do... do you want to grab some drinks sometime? A...and talk?" I offer slowly. I'm not sure if this is the right occasion to offer to hang out with somebody, but I want to make sure Guren's really okay, and not do it in a cemetery.

Guren's eyes fix on something in the horizon and become clearer, "Thanks... But no thanks. I already have something to do with... Mahiru."

I blink. I'm surprised. And maybe a little hurt, "Mahiru... Hiragi? My sister?"