gureshin - the lavenders that grow on your porch

there are lavenders growing on my porch

[guren's pov]

a/n: so uh yeah im going to write guren's speech. like right off the bat. in the middle of class. i originally planned it but it was rubbish so here i am.

(a few minutes/seconds/idk earlier...)

"And finally, may we have Ms. Mahiru Hiragi, Mr. Guren Ichinose, and Mr. Shinya Hiragi's speech."

I blinked. Our turn already? So soon? I don't think I'm ready...

Mahiru grabbed my hand somewhat gently and pulled me out of my seat towards the front. I stagger a little bit, fingering my cue cards as Ms. Rikudo looks towards the far corner of the classroom, "I take it that Mr. Shinya Hiragi is not participating?"

Everybody's eyes zero onto Shinya. I stare at him sympathetically, trying to make him look at me, to see how I'm sorry, as if I had telepathic powers. But Shinya simply nodded and glanced at the floor, the hood of his hoodie covering his face.

Ms. Rikudo looks disappointed and sympathetic at the same time, for one moment, but the look vanishes when she looks back at Mahiru and I.

"Your topic is?" Ms. Rikudo asks. I have a feeling she already knew what our topic was and didn't need to ask.

"Love," Mahiru answers, raising her chin as if this was a challenge and someone was trying to steal me away from her.

Ms. Rikudo smiles an almost-smile, and then motions for us to start.

My heart is beating out of my chest as Mahiru rehearses line after line, perfectly, just like we did in rehearsal. She barely glanced at her notes and she addressed everyone in the room. Ms. Rikudo was nodding and furiously scribbling down the notes. Everybody in the classroom stared at the girl next to me in awe.

There was no doubt that Mahiru Hiragi is perfect.

Everybody in the classroom had their eyes focused and drawn to the front. Everybody but the small, hunched shape in the far corner of the classroom.

Shinya, I think, as if my thoughts could reach him, please look up.

And miraculously, as if he could hear me, Shinya looked up.

It was slow at first. His beautiful blue eyes were glassy and unfocused.

But his gaze found mine.

Violet meeting blue.

I held his gaze for a long time. For the remainder of Mahiru's speech. Nobody seemed to notice, not even the ever-observant Mahiru.

Until she nudged me gently with a bump of her shoulder. I was jerked back to reality.

It was my turn.

All I could muster was a small smile, seemingly directed at Mahiru but really, it was to Shinya.

A small smile, just like the smile he gave me at the beginning of school.

A small smile that would light up the room when it was dark.

And the small smile I gave him, somehow, lit up Shinya's face.

Everybody's looking at me now. Sayuri, Shigure, Norito, Mito, Aoi, Kureto, Ms. Rikudo, Mahiru, Shinya.

I won't let you down, Shinya, I think.

I glance at my notes. What I was about to say was completely different from what Mahiru and I rehearsed. Nobody knew what was coming.

I wondered whether I should just say the words Mahiru expected me to say.

But how could I? Those words have no meaning to me. Those words can make Mahiru happy, can make everybody in the room happy, but they cannot make me happy.