Polyphia

A S H L E Y

Keeping myself occupied is therapeutic. The idea of completing a task has always been a good distraction for me. However, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened today. Jack and I argued, just like every couple, but this time he didn't apologise or follow me around like a lost puppy.

Okay, before any of you attack me, just know I am a very stubborn person, and I hate admitting that I am wrong. I don't know if it's the Gemini is me, but I can be very stubborn at times, so back off. Was my reaction a bit too much? Maybe. Was I poking the bear with the stick? Probably. Am I to blame? I'm not going to answer that question, that's for you to decide.

Jack and I have always been the star couple. We have the power to do whatever we want, and everyone is desperate to join our circle. The Cheerleader and the Jock, the dream team.

It was late in the afternoon, and I had just got home from cheer practice. As always, the house is cold and empty, no one there to greet me or ask how my first day back went. Sighing, I dropped my bags in the entrance, took off my trainers and made my way to the kitchen, only to be welcomed with a handwritten note from my parents on the kitchen that said that they will be staying in their office for most of the night. Great.

I opened the fridge and scanned what food would satisfy my hunger, but I don't think vegetables and fruits are exactly what I was craving at the time. I'm highly aware that as the Cheerleader, I should be eating nothing but fruits, vegetables and protein in order to maintain my lean physique, but if I see a cheeseburger, there's no doubt I'll be adding chips to the side. As nothing catches my eye, I closed the fridge and picked up my phone to order in. As I turned my phone on, I saw that Jack was calling me; a voice was telling me to continue being stubborn and reject the call, however, another voice was pleading me to get over this petty behaviour and answer his call. Accepting the latter, I press accept and place the phone on my ear.

"Hey," I cleared my throat, acting all passive aggressive.

"Hey," he answered with a surprising tone as he'd expected me to reject his call. "I didn't think you would answer," he admitted.

I silently agreed, but I also didn't want to ignore him any longer. "I didn't want to continue this stupid fight any longer," I shrugged, trying to act as casual as possible. I knew that Jack was smiling, so I knew that this stupid fight would obviously end very soon. He only needs to say those two words, and everything would be fine again.

"I know you want me to say, 'I'm sorry'," he began. "What I said this morning was out of line, and yes, I should've been on time."

Well, that was okay...not as good as 'I'm sorry', but that'll do.

"But-"

So, you have chosen death.

"You didn't have to have an attitude," he paused for a second. "I get that I was late, but if it happens again, just say something instead of giving me a silent treatment with snarky comments on the side."

Boy, he was trying to push my buttons now.

"You're doing it again," he said.

"What am I doing now?" I asked with irritation.

"Giving me, the silent treatment and you're probably thinking about a snarky comment to say to me."

Ugh I hate that he knows me so well.

"Look," he began. "All I'm saying is that I want to talk things through whenever he was a discussion. I know that if I threw you a snarky comment, I would be buried six feet under."

Well...he's not wrong.

"But you did call me stupid brat so..." I drawled as I checked my cuticles.

"And that I apologise," he whispered sincerely.

This is the thing about Jack. When he apologises, he means it, and that is something that I truly love about him. Truly. And sometimes, you also must be a bigger person and say sorry for something that you shouldn't do.

"Well, that was nice to hear," I cleared my throat. "I may have said some narky comments, and for that I'm apologetic."

Jack chuckled on the other side of the line, causing me to smile a little.

"Well, I guess this whole argument has been settled now." He sighed. "Listen, I've got to go, mum's calling me for dinner, pick you up tomorrow 'kay?"

"Yeah," I said. "See you tomorrow."

Jack ended the call, and whilst he was probably having dinner with his mother, I remained in the exact position for a few minutes, processing what had just happened.

I didn't feel that giddiness whenever we talk. I didn't feel that warm fuzzy sensation.

I felt nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello my Fine Specimens!

It's been a while since I've posted a chapter. I know I should've been a lot more consistent and for that I am sorry.

I was in a very bad place towards the end of 2021 and start of 2022, and I didn't want to do the things that I enjoyed doing. I worked hard to get out of that state and now I am in such a better place. It's okay to ask for help (no I didn't have depression, I don't like to use that term unless a professional has given me said diagnosis). It's okay to talk about what you're feeling and going through. Most importantly, it's okay to take a step back in order to take two steps forward.

Someone who I consider a great mentor told me that sometimes, the harder the climb, the better the view. So, my fellow Specimens, keep on climbing, you won't regret it.

I love you all❤️