Polyphia

L I L L Y

I rushed to the closest bathroom, barely having time to throw up, as soon as I passed through the front door. As I threw up, there was a constant nagging thought at the back of my mind.

You need to tell him. You need to tell him. You need to tell him.

There were so many opportunities for me to just be honest and tell him everything. Yet, everything I tried to, fear took over, freezing me. Ryan knew something was up; I mean, after being friends with someone for over a decade, it is impossible to not know their quirks and habits. He would most likely say that he wouldn't judge me for my actions. The seriousness of this is too great. If I told him what I had done, what had happened, he wouldn't say anything, however, I knew what he would think of me.

A hypocrite.

There isn't a day when I wake up and think, what would my best friend think?

I was scared.

"Lillibet?" My mother's voice rang through the house. "Is that you?"

"Yeah," I called out, trying to hold back the nausea by pressing my forehead against the toilet seat. Once the feeling went away, I got up and went to wash my hands to the point they were raw without looking in the mirror. I couldn't even look at myself, I was too embarrassed. The word "shame" would always be written on my forehead, and it would never come off, no matter how many times I scrubbed it off. It looked as if a permanent marker were to be used. I turned the tap off and paused for a second, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath, trying to release all the tension that was building inside of me. Sighing, I opened my eyes to see my reflection.

Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

When will it end?

I straightened my back and walked towards the kitchen where my mother stood. Plastering a fake smile, one that I managed to achieve over the years, I walked up to her and paced a kiss on her head.

"Any homework?" She asked. That was the first thing she always asked every time I got back from school. She never asked about my wellbeing or how things were going in school. Their main priority was to get my work done. At first, it was disappointing, but I knew that if I were to complain, they would label me a brat and send me to my room.

"Stop acting like an entitled brat."

"You have the best education, and this is how you repay us?"

"I never raised you to be so ungrateful."

They were like a broken record, repeating the same things to the point that I felt guilty talking to them.

But that's how my parents are, they give you the basic things any parent would, and they act as if they moved mountains for you. As I grew up, I knew that it was best for me to keep my mouth shut and play along with their fantasy. The "Lillibet would never do wrong" fantasy.

I never knew what it was like to have caring, loving parents. Parents that would teach you that every mistake you made, was an opportunity for you to learn and grow. Parents that would teach about underage drinking or safe sex. My parents never told me that, Ryan and Google did; and when I mean Google, I mean Ryan's Google, as I was aware that my parents watched my every move.

"It was the first day of school," I said. "They simply introduced themselves and talked about how the subject would be."

"But surely, they must have started teaching the first topic," my mother let out a condescending laugh.

"No, mother," I shook my head, irritation growing inside of me.

"Maybe you weren't paying attention," my mother shook her head with disappointment. "Just like last year."

Here we go again.

"I received top grades last year."

"You received one of." My mother spoke slowly, as though I was too dumb to understand. "It's never the top grades. After everything, we've done for you, We would expect something in return."

I wanted to scream at them. Shout. Kick. Anything. But most importantly, I wanted to be listened to. I sighed and mumbled that I would start studying in my room. As soon as I was about to pass through the threshold, my mother called out for the last time.

"It took you five minutes longer than usual to get home. Who were you with?"

"Ryan stopped for a second to tie his shoelaces," I lied. My mother raised a brow. "It won't happen again."

I rushed to my room and carefully locked my door. Being raised my conservative helicopter parents, the only thing I wanted was to keep what was left of my privacy; and as the years went by, I think I have mastered that.

Dropping my phone onto my bed, I crouched next to my bed and lifted the bedsheets. I skimmed through the bedroom floor, finding the loose wood plank, and lifted it to get my prized possession, my actual phone.

I realised that I was being controlled on my fourteenth birthday, when Ryan and I decided last minute to go to a diner on the outskirts of town. No one knew, we made sure of that. It wasn't until I got home when my parents shouted and screamed at me for it. That same night, Ryan and I pulled my phone apart, only to find a small chip. A tracker. I couldn't catch a break. It took me a whole year to save up my money for a new phone. No tracker. No control.

I turned it on, reading all the messages I received. Most of them were from Ryan, apologising for interrogating me on the way home. As I skimmed through the messages, I saw one text that made my heart drop.

It was from him.

Hey

So simple, yet the impact it had on me was too much for me to handle.

I hadn't spoken to him for months. I deleted his number, refusing to have any more contact with him.

How could he text me? Specially after breaking his heart?

I wasn't ready for this. I couldn't allow this to affect me.

Switching my phone off, I placed it back where it was and lied on top of my bed. As I stared at the peeling paint on my ceiling, I couldn't stop thinking about what I had said to Ryan at school.

Maybe this year will be different.

Will I finally escape from my parents' grasp?

Will I finally enjoy the taste of freedom?

If so, when? 

Hello, my fine Specimens!

After finally finishing exam season, I am back again with new ideas. I am so excited to write again, and I hope you'll enjoy what's to come!

I hope you're all having a wonderful Christmas and I hope to see you guys soon!

I love you all ❤️

P.s. The published version The Greek God may be coming soon...