Past or Now

Back to back

POV - You and Lou just had a moment in the shower 👀
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Once you head downstairs you notice they have arrived and you all make breakfast.

You and Lou are in charge of pancakes and she guides you from behind to make them again which you don't mind.

You then plate them up and join everyone to eat. As you eat tammy is quiet and you notice Debbie still isn't there.

Y/n - "Tam? Can I umm speak to you for a second?"

Tammy - "Uh yeah sure."

You nod and wink at Lou making sure she knows you're fine before pulling tammy into the office.

Y/n - "What happened?"

Tammy - "What do you mean?"

Y/n - "Tammy I know something happened... I mean you went into Debbies room after speaking to us this morning so I'm guessing that's where you came from also. Or were you just going in there to drink two bottles of water by yourself?"

She takes a deep breath looking down and you get worried as she tearing up.

Y/n - "Hey hey you don't have to if it's like that, just come here?"

You hug her tight and she cries into your arms for what feels like hours.
Soon enough she pulls away and you wipe her eyes.

Y/n - "Do you want to back to back it?"

Tammy laughs slightly remembering what you mean and nods. You smile slightly clearing a space and sitting down next to her with your backs touching. You reach your hand out and she holds it and takes a deep breath.

Tammy - "I'm... I'm umm... I'm separating, officially from him."

Y/n - "What?"

Tammy - "We tried it for the kids we really did but it's just not me. I know I'm pan and so I'm not going to say it's because he's a man because that's not how it works. I just... I just know that it's not for me. I know that I'm kidding myself and I've tried to feel the same way I did with you and umm others but it's not there. It's different and it just feels forced. Im not happy..."

You can hear her sniff and breathing wobble so you squeeze her hand and kiss it.

Y/n - "That's okay Tam. It's good to do things for yourself too and you can't live your whole life sad just to please your kids. They can pick up that energy easily. If anything it would probably make it worse because fighting and trying to look happy is just a distraction from actually helping to raise your kids. If they see you happy then they will be too. If you are both there for them unconditionally to support and love them which I know you will be then there is no reason for a split to be a bad idea. Do what's best for you both."

Tammy turns and hugs you from behind. You lean back on her holding her arms.

Y/n - "Tam"

Tammy - "Yes"

Y/n - "Can I face you?"

You feel her nod and you turn holding her arms still.

Y/n - "May I ask you something?"

She nods again.

Y/n - "Were you happy last night?"

Tammy looks up at you and you give her a reassuring look.

Tammy - "Yes"

You smile and continue.

Y/n - "What happened?"

Tammy - "Well umm we were joking with everyone and chilling and then once I checked up on you and Lou outside we all decided we were tired and everyone left. Leaving me with Debbie. She ended up grabbing us both some water to sober up and we just sat and talked. It felt like forever since i had spoken to her properly and umm it felt good. She's always been my family and it felt like the time we spent apart made the time we spent to together even more special."

You smile as you can see she is on the verge of smiling too.

Tammy - "Eventually we got tired and she assured me that you would be fine with Lou which I knew already but it felt good to hear it from her too. I was cold and started shivering I guess and she offered to take me to her room for a blanket and made a joke about Lou hating heating the place. I went with her and got it and we just ended up sat on her bed talking. She eventually got cold too and got into the bed and it was awkward with me being outside the covers to I joined her."

Y/n - "And?"

Tammy - "And what?"

Y/n - "Well surely you didn't just sit awkwardly in the covers for hours."

Tammy - "Well no umm-"

Y/n - "Tam..."

Tammy - "Fine! So umm she ended up laughing at me as I was far away from her I guess and so I moved closer and she umm just held me... and yeah, then I woke up and came to you guys..."

Y/n - "Tam."

She looks at you and you can see in her eyes there's more.

Tammy - "Okay umm yes things happened but I don't want to talk about that y/n."

You laugh and continue.

Y/n - "Okay okay I never meant that part actually Tam, although I'm glad your satisfied."

She nudges you and you laugh making her smile.

Y/n - "I mean what happened to have you looking so sad this morning? And why was Debbie not downstairs? Did you tell her about-"

Tammy - "Yeah umm we... I woke up and umm she was still asleep. I was looking at her and I just felt so happy. The happiest I've been in a long time. But umm it kind of scared me and I started to cry. She must have woken up from it and she ended up asking me what was wrong but I played it off and said I needed the bathroom. She waited outside while I fixed myself up but I just walked past her saying I needed water and went downstairs. That's when I saw you guys drinking hot chocolates and I kind of got snapped out of it all, thinking you were bad again. Then once I calmed down I got back upstairs and she tried to talk to me but I didn't want to. I wasn't ready to talk to her about it and she got annoyed that I wouldn't talk. Then she became silent too and sat on her phone and I got up and dressed in my room away from her. Once I came down here for breakfast, I obviously noticed she wasn't here and umm I guess she's still on her phone or something, I don't know."

You just nod knowing that was hard for her to say and hug her again.

Y/n - "Look now let's get up and take some deep breaths Okay."

She nods her head and you help her up to stand, holding her hands. You take a few deep breaths and then fix each others a faces. Once you both finally head out, you find that everyone is gone.

Hey sorry I didn't upload for a few days but I hope this is okay :)