Past or Now

Feel bad

POV - Lou left you to dress alone and Tammy just caught you smoking outside.

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Part 35

Tammy - "Hey, where did you get that? You hate smoking!"

You just roll your eyes and take another puff.

Tammy - "Look I'm sorry okay. Can I sit?"

You don't answer and she takes that as a yes and joins you. You just sit there smoking and she watches you.

Tammy - "Did you tell her?"

You nod and she does too.

Tammy - "Are we going back to your sessions then?"

You hesitate and she knows you're nervous and annoyed at yourself.

Tammy - "Hey it's okay that it happened. You can't always be strong honey and that's okay. It doesn't make you any less brave. Now can you tell me something and be 100% honest."

You look at her confused.

Tammy - "Yesterday. The movie. That's not why you were crying was it."

You shake you head and her heart breaks. She can see you're getting upset again and holds you trying to calm you down.

Y/n - "I'm... sorry... I let...you... down."

Tammy - "Hey! Hey you didn't let me down sweetie. You never could okay. Now please listen to me-"

Y/n - "But I... I promised."

Tammy - "No no honey that's okay, it's okay. You didn't mean to."

She can see you're getting worked up again and shushes you stroking your hair.

You eventually calm down and you speak up.

Y/n - "Tam."

Tammy - "Yes sweetie."

Y/n - "I umm I haven't been to counselling in over a year. And I... it's not the first time I've cracked. I umm... after I left you... I got bad and got diagnosed with depression. I had help to get my eating habits back on track and they were grateful that I wasn't forcing whatever I did eat away again as I was weak anyway. But umm I took my medication, went to therapy and my weight, as triggering as it was to be weighed all the time, it went back up too and they made the distance between the appointments longer. I just uh... I can't believe I was so stupid to do it again."

Tammy - "Y/n please look at me."

She lifts up your chin to face her and and wipes your eyes.

Tammy - "You're the strongest woman I know. Yes you may have moments of weakness but that doesn't get rid of the fact that you're brave. You're strong. You try. And that's all anyone can ever ask of you, okay. So why don't we get you up and give these back to Lou and let's go find their number yeah?"

You nod and she helps you up taking the lighter and cigs.

You head inside and she sits you with Lou giving her the stuff. Lou is confused how you got it out of her pocket and you say that Constance taught you some stuff. She nods smiling and kisses your head.

Lou - "My brave girl."

That day you call up a place to get you an appointment. They get you one for that week thanks to Nine hacking in and then you spend the rest of the day in Lous arms. She's comforting and you watch some comfort movies of yours. Tam and Debbie go out on a date and Tam let's you know she's on standby if you need her. Lou doesn't force you to eat anything but they do make you drink water which you're okay about.