Past or Now

Talk to me

POV - Tammy spoke to Lou about what she knows of your past and they plan to confront you.

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Tw - body dysmorphia, ED
Part 34

You're taken off guard and then realise what's happened. Your chest hurts in pain and you start to tear up.

Lou holds you tightly wiping your eyes and looking into them.

Lou - "Please talk to me."

You shake your head.

Y/n - "I'm not ready. Please just give me some time."

She takes a deep breath and lets you calm down stroking your arm to soothe you. Once you're calm she asks again.

Lou - "Baby please."

You take a deep breath and speak

Y/n - "Yes. I am ill."

Lou looks away annoyed you just lied to her but you stop her.

Y/n - "No umm not like that. It umm it wasn't the food. It... it was me. Im ill. I have been since I was 11 and it's never going to fully leave me. I'm sorry."

Lou grabs you kissing your head.

Lou - "I know baby I know."

You realise Tammy must have told her about it and then you realise she must have been the one that helped you into the bed and seen your hands. This makes you start to cry again and Lou tries to calm you down but you can't.

You promised Tammy you wouldn't let her ever see you like that. You said you would never hurt her again. You promised to always eat and know it's necessary. You promised and now you had broken them all.

Lou is still struggling to calm you and you start to heave and shake. She helps you to sit up and asks you to count her rings. You do and eventually after struggling through teary eyes, you calm down and she holds you close.

She holds you in silence as you cry silently and then she talks.

Lou - "Baby I'm just going to ask you three more things okay."

You nod your head and she continues.

Lou - "Did you force it both times?"

You nod your head and she closes her eyes.

Lou - "Have you been to your councillor recently?"

You shake your head.

Lou - "Do you think we should try and get you back in touch?"

You don't answer and she pulls you in harder and kisses your head.

Lou - "Baby we both know you need to stop and that's only going to happen if we get help okay. I know it's only twice but I still think we should talk to someone. I'll go with you honey just please."

You start to cry again.

Lou - "Hey hey none of that baby not now."

Y/n - "I'm sorry... I can't even believe myself right now. I just cracked and freaked out."

Lou - "Hey it's okay! It's okay angel please don't apologise. You're so brave for admitting it okay. Now why don't we get dressed and then we can talk about who we are getting to help."

You're hesitant and you don't answer

Lou - "Sweetheart it's okay. Just get up and I'll dress you."

You shake your head.

Y/n - "No umm please can I do it. I don't feel comfortable with you seeing me right now."

Lou agrees and heads out to give you space.

You stay in bed for a little longer before eventually getting up and walking into Lous closet looking for something to wear. You end up putting on some baggy jeans and a jumper as you're not feeling like you'll be going anywhere.

You then head out and fix your face before cleaning your teeth and stuff.

Being in the bathroom is a bit triggering but you try to limit your time in there and head out to join everyone downstairs. As you head down you see Lou in the corner talking to Tam and Debbie is doing some work.

You don't feel like talking to any of them lol so you head outside for some air.

One good thing about Lou leaving you alone is that you were able to steal her cigs and lighter without her noticing and you decide to light one and sit hugging your knees.

Soon enough the door opens and it's Tam.

Tammy - "Hey, where did you get that? You hate smoking!"