Fight for Everything

12

Sulhaney

I am doing well, I mean I slept last night, not as much as the average person but it was sleep - without the use of sleeping pills.

My mission was successful and plans were going according to the outline.

But like every other person diagnosed with depression, today was one of those days where my heart felt like a brick of lead against my lungs.

Restricting my breathing and no matter how many deep breaths I take or how many times I convince myself that it's all in my head, it doesn't go away.

I am capable of shutting down, hell I rarely feel emotions. I had shoved them into a box, burnt it and then buried the ashy remains.

Flashback (third person)

"Ro?" The soft voice rang out of the young girl Sophia.

A grunt sounded from the other young girl as she shifted her focus to the smaller one across from her. The glare she wore softening. "Ro?" young Sulhaney questioned the reason her sister was calling.

"When we leave here, will we still be sisters?"

"Always" every fiber of her being meant it. "We'll even get it on paper, no one will dare to say otherwise".

"Even if we find our blood family?"

"Even then"

"I need a hug, is it okay to touch you? I know you're probably in pain"

"I'm not"  Lies she was in pain. She had just been whipped, too many lashes to keep count.

"Someday we'll be so free, it feels like we're flying and lost all our connection with the ground." Sulhaney turned the conversation as she enveloped Sophia in a hug. Sophia being cautious of her back.

"I'll be extra happy that day"

They embraced each other for as long as they could.

Sophia was the light in Sulhaney's dark soul. Always smiling, full of energy and bubbly.

But even she had her days. She knew they were breaking her sister beyond repair.

Sulhaney had already mastered the art of hiding her emotions but they wanted her to have none. The way to achieve that- whip all memory of it out of her.

She'd never scream through the torture, she didn't even flinch anymore, she became so accustomed to the feeling of pain that she now thought of it as a mere reminder that she was human.

But it wasn't the same for Sophia, when she had to clean the blood from her sister and see the empty look in her eyes.

The program Sulhaney was apart of was worse than her's and she knew it.
She was their top fighter but they wanted Sulhaney as a weapon and nothing more.

She'd do all she could to keep some strand of humanity left in her.
But she could only do so much and no more.

(Present time)

I laid on the bed unmoving, my emotions slowly slipping away.
I don't know how to stop it.

I have been tortured but I never get used to the emotional and mental pain that I could cause myself.

My phone buzzed for the thousandths time on the bedside table but I had no energy to reach for it, much less to move my head so I glanced at the laminating screen from my place on the bed.

It was Teo, he knows I'm alive, my watch ensures that, checking my vials and tracking my location.

I'm pretty sure he knows that I have not left this spot.

I couldn't answer this morning when I was called, I haven't worked out, I haven't showered nor ate nor did any work.

I have basically detached myself from reality. I was merely existing today.

I just wanted to disappear for a bit.

I closed my eyes and pictured her cheshire grin that came with a package deal dimples.

Her melodious laugh filled my ears and a somber air of melancholy slipped onto the water.

I clutched the small bear to my chest and tucked my legs to my chest and that's when the dam broke.

All the pent up emotions came shooting to the surface.

I was never fine and I don't know if I ever will be.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Another Chap

Was a bit sad but what are your thought?

This is a reminder "It's okay not to be okay not everyone can relight a star"