prom date | wroetoshaw

The Start Of Something

IT IS SHORT AND ALSO TEMPORARAILY SHORT LIVED BUT WE HAVE OUR FIRST BIT OF ROMANCE R U EXCITED IM EXCITED

"I can't believe this is the first time I've been to your apartment, how long have you lived here exactly?" Harry asked, looking around at my living room, moments after we arrive back to my building. It's late, now, our taxi has been delayed and we were both incredibly tired.

"Uh, since I moved away from Guernsey. Shared it with Will for a while, until that ended," I let him know, smirking at the disgust on his face.

"So it's a good thing you're moving out, then. No more taintedness from that asshole," he said, and his tone made me realise he was being completely serious. He really hated him.

"Don't worry. I deep cleaned it when I kicked him out," I said, my words laced with sarcasm.

Harry went on to nose around the rest of the apartment, whilst I dumped my suitcase on the sofa, too tired to even think about unpacking tonight.

I followed him through to my bedroom, where he was looking at my bookshelf, which sat opposite my bed - which looked way too inviting right now.

"I'm going to head to bed, I think," I tell him, interrupting his zoning out, and he looked at me, stifling a yawn.

"Me too. You gonna be okay tonight?" He asks, once again, his concerned face looking at me.

"Better than last night, but it would be nice if you stayed with me again. If you want to, that is?" I ask, his shoulders slumping when I ask the question.

"Of course. Let me get changed, I'll meet you back in here," he says quietly, leaving the room and me alone. I only take off my jumper, and swap out my trousers for shorts before jumping into bed, rolling over to myself. He's back not too long later, dressed in a black shirt and boxers - not that I looked there on purpose.

I avert my eyes back up to his face, and then to the ceiling.

He climbs into bed next to me, but this time it feels different. From the moment he lies down next to me, his leg touching mine, I feel it. I have no idea if he does, but I do.

No, I do not have feelings for my best friend!

"Lily -" he starts, turning his head towards mine.

No. Don't look at him just yet.

"Yeah?" I respond, keeping my head looking at the ceiling.

"Look at me a sec," he replies, and from his voice I can tell his mouth is right next to my cheek.

You'll be fine. Self control.

I turn my head, inches away from his own. He stares at me, his eyes burning holes in mine.

Breathe.

"What? Wh -" I gasp, as he reaches forward, kissing me on the lips, lingering for a second before pulling away.

"Harry -"

"I - uh, I'm -" he stammers.

"Harry, I just lost my Nan. I'm really sorry, I can't do whatever this is right now," I say quietly, not being able to look him in the eyes.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't - I didn't even think. Of course, yeah, I'm so sorry," he says, repeating himself over and over again. "Do you want me to go in the living room? I can sleep on the sofa -"

"No." I say firmly. "Stay here, please. If it's alright with you?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry, again. I just - I dunno. I don't know why I did it," he explains again, and I have to bite my tongue, because if I don't, I know I'll end up telling him that it felt completely right for me, confirming everything my Nan had said to me.

"Goodnight Harry. Sleep well," is all I end up saying, as I switch the lights off, rolling over so I'm facing the opposite way, hypersensitive of the body the other side of me.

"Night, Lily," he whispers back, and seconds later I'm asleep.

**

When I wake up, the first thought to flood my mind was the events of last night. If it had happened at any other time, I might've kissed him back. God, I might've even confessed my feelings for him right then and there.

Mentally, however, I was in one of the worst mindsets I'd been in for a very long time, and I knew that if I engaged in any sort of romantic endeavours with Harry now, it wouldn't last. I wanted him and I to be in each other's lives, regardless of whether it was platonic or romantic, and it just wasn't worth risking over a kiss.

I roll over in the bed, Harry awake and on his phone next to me. He gives me half a smile, putting his phone down.

"How are you today? Out of ten?" He asks, seeking genuinely interested in my answer.

"Run down, little bit stressed, still upset. About a four, I reckon," I say to him, pushing myself up against the head of the bed, turning the light on to wake myself up a bit.

"That's better than your three yesterday," he comments, reminding me of the morning yesterday. I'd forgotten about that.

"That's true," I comment, still not really with it, last night consuming me.

"Come on, let's talk about it," he says, breaking our silence and nudging my shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"Last night, the kiss. Let's talk about it," he encourages.

Here goes nothing.

"I - it was an enjoyable kiss. I'm not denying that, I'm not pissed off you kissed me. I just - I don't want to do anything with you - or anyone else for that matter, at the moment. I'm not myself, and I won't be for a while."

"That's understandable. You've just lost someone incredibly close to you. You get to have as much time as you need," he says, his words exactly what I need to hear. "I'll still be here, waiting for you."

"Harry, I just - I don't want you waiting for me. I have no idea how long it's going to be until I feel ready for anything! It's not fair for you to wait for someone who doesn't have a steady timeline."

"Lily - shit, I cant believe I'm actually about to fucking tell you this, but it's whatever. I think I've had feelings for you for ages. I mean, I only actually came to fucking terms with it when we met up with everyone in London a while ago, but it made me realise that I've actually liked you since school. Probably during school too," he says, and it looks like a massive weight has fallen from his shoulders.

"Wh -"

"Yeah. So I can deal with waiting. I've waited all these years unknowingly, what's a few more? Even if nothing major came from it, just having you in my life is enough -"

"Is it, though? Is it enough for you to just be best friends?"

"I'd say so, but I don't know! This is unexplored territory for us both. Let's just take it at our own pace?" He asked, almost like he was pleading.

I nodded my head in agreement. "So what now? We both just go about our lives knowing we both have feelings for one another?"

"So you're admitting you like me too?" He smirks, catching me out with my own words.

"Oh, fuck off! Whatever, answer the question!"

"Yeah, yeah. We go about our normal lives. And I help you get through this, and me and you stay in each other's lives. As whatever. Whether it's best friends or not, as long I still get to see you and spend time with you, I'm fine."

"Of course you'll still get to see me. I'm not going to run away just because you kissed me one time. As I said, it was a good kiss. I just -"

"Don't want anything. And that's fine. I'm completely fine with that, honestly. I'm glad you were honest with me," he explains, looking as unbothered as he sounds.

"Alright, good. I'm going to try and get some more sleep, but I'll see you when I wake up again," I smile, not rolling over this time, staying exactly where I was, grateful that our conversation had turned out so peaceful.