fundamentals of love ; james sirius potter

31. all too well (ellie's version)

ellie: why do u use such an outdated meme format

victor: why must you be so ageist?

ellie: because you didn't come to the party

victor: i bet the oldest person there is 21. i would've seemed ancient compared to you all

ellie: actually there's a lot of people in their late twenties, someone's 29

victor: gr8! why r u talking 2 me. go 2 talk to ppl plz

ellie: was that u trying to type like a young person?

victor: did it work........?

ellie: no, now you're even more outdated

ellie: and, for your information. taylor swift once said "it's hard to be at a party i feel like an open wound", so i know she'd support me sitting on the stairs and on my phone

victor: i have to help my sister's kids make snowmen. talk to people your own age (in a kind way, i'm not saying this in a mean way) ttyl

It's New Year's Eve, Jimmy's thrown the biggest bash of the year at his farmhouse. It seems as if everyone I've ever met in my life is inside this house, doing things and talking to people, while I'm all alone on the stairs, picking at the chipped black polish on my nails. I wonder if I like anxious or if I've come off as a mysterious cool girl who's always bored. It's the former, but I pretend it's the latter anyways because everything I do is an homage to Amy Dunne.

Hugh's scored an invite, so he's brought Ty along as well. They're both miserable though because everyone here treats them like children (which is valid since they're four years younger than the third youngest person, which is me). So, like lost little kids, they're coming my way for some guidance. 

"I thought this would be fun."

Ty nods, "I've never felt this out of place," then he looks over at Hugh. "We should've gone to Mei Chang's party."

Hugh looks over at me hopefully. "There's still an hour till midnight, could you cover for us Ellie," he asks, in his softest voice. "We'll be back by one. I promise."

And, they're both staring at me so hopefully, I can't even say no. I just nod, "I'll be staying up until then, not a minute late," I say, as they start to chatter and get up. "No doing any bad things and no getting drunk. Also, you have to help Mei clean up."

"We will," they say at the same time.

I wave them off. "Go away now, be safe and have fun."

They're running off towards the floo, I'm left with a bittersweet feeling that maybe Hugh isn't so little anymore. He's grown up, I think everyone has, I've been so caught up in myself that I haven't even noticed though.

That morning when I was at my dad's, helping him paint the walls of his study, I realised that his hair was getting gray. I was stunned because he was getting older, he wasn't always gonna be the twenty-something that raised me by trial and error, he was growing old and . . . I didn't like that idea. In my head, there's no such thing as life without my dad, he can't get old because getting old eventually means dying, and my dad can't die. He's not allowed to. 

So, I'm getting up and heading upstairs where the guests aren't allowed. Jimmy has a little living area up there, I was thinking of putting on some Holiday themed episode from some random show. Maybe grabbing some popcorn and ringing in a New Year's alone.