Under the clouds (Guevarra Series 2)

Chapter 20

"Layuan mo ang kapatid ko."

The moment she saw us in that vacant room, I already predicted that something like this would happen. Naroon ang hindi maipaliwanag na pakiramdam sa sistema ko. Naiinis ako, kinakabahan, higit sa lahat, natatakot.

Kasi alam kong hindi ko kaya.

"A-ate, I'm really sorry." Parang naiiyak kong anas dito. We are in the faculty room. It's a good thing that the teachers aren't inside this office. Kapag nagkataon, hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko tatanggapin ang kahihiyang ito.

"Alam mong may girlfriend siya. He have Ezperanza, mahal nila ang isa't-isa kaya lubayan mo si Jacques."

Bigla na naman siyang pumasok sa isip ko ngayon. Nasaan na kaya siya. I know he wants to depend me, pero hindi siya hinayaan ni Ate Violet na sumama rito. He received a hard slap a while ago. I wonder what his face looks like right now. Sana hindi ito namumula.

I bit my lower lip to somehow suppress the nervousness inside me. Naikuyom ko ang kamao na nakatago sa likod ko. She wants me to stay away from his brother. But how am I going to do that?

"H-hindi ko po kaya." Mahinang anas ko. I saw her throw her dagger eyes at me.

"Paanong hindi mo kaya?"

I never knew that Miss Violet Guevarra could be this intimidating. I mean, lahat naman sila ganito. They are all intimidating in their own ways. Isang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko nakakayanan na makipagtitigan ng sobrang tagal kay Jacques.

But this woman, she looks so fierce right now. Nakikita ko siya minsan dito sa school, nakakasalubong sa daan minsan. Her face is always so soft, that's why I'm a bit shocked that she could be this serious.

Huminga ako ng malalim upang kalmahin ang sarili.

"Hindi ko po kaya..." Pag-uulit ko. I saw her frowning. "K-kasi m-mahal ko na po si Jacques."

Out of nowhere, I told her a reason that I've never imagined saying in front of anyone. Being with Jacques is a risk. Having a secret relationship with him is even more riskier. Hindi ko rin alam kung kailan nagsimula. Hindi ko naiisip ang tungkol sa bagay na iyon. The only thing I know is that I don't want him gone. I always want to stay by his side as long as he'll allow me. I want to be his comfort zone.

As a matter of fact, I never sleep at night without thinking about him first. Hindi siya nawawala sa isip ko. I hate him for making me so crazy for him.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang marinig ko ang mahinang tawa ni Ate Violet.

"Mahal mo siya? You guys are too young for love. Paano mo nasabing mahal mo na siya? Gwapo ba? Mabait sa'yo? Alam mo... hindi porke't mabait sa'yo ang isang tao, gusto ka na rin niya. Please don't be blinded by your feelings."

"Sigurado po ako sa nararamdaman ko." Matapang na sagot ko sa kaniya.

"Or maybe you just love the idea of being with him. Maybe you just love the thrill of being in a forbidden relationship."

Nakagat ko ang bagang sa iritasyon. Naiinis ako. I don't want to be angry at her. Kapatid siya ni Jacques. Pero hindi gusto na pinapangunahan niya ang nararamdaman ko.

"Paano niyo nasasabi 'yan? Hindi niyo alam ang nararamdaman ko. Wala kayo sa sitwasyon-

"I've been there actually." Putol niya sa akin na siyang ikinatigil ko. "Sinasabi mo sa akin na hindi kita naiintindihan? I'm telling you this because I don't want you to repeat the same mistake I did before. Nakipagrelasyon ako sa isang lalaki kahit alam kong may girlfriend siya. And I'm telling you this because we have the same experience. Huwag kang magpakatanga, Madelaine. You deserve better."