Behind closed doors

Chapter 5

*Location- Bucky's hideout*

Bucky sighed as he continued to read his book. His mind couldn't rest with all the thoughts in his head. It had been a week since he had last seen Peter, since he had saved him from those bullies and helped him.

He had hoped that he would see Peter the next day, or at least within a few days. But with everyday that passed and Bucky went there he never saw Peter, or any sign of the kid having been there when Bucky wasn't about.

He tried not to worry, he really did, but there was just something about the whole thing that left him with a bad feeling. Bucky could tell Steve knew something other than what had happened before with both the accords and Stark was bothering him.

Sighing he dropped the book to the ground, flexing his metal arm slightly, his eyes scanning over the room.

He had begun to fix it up a little more, he had got more cushioned chairs placed around the room. Candles were placed around the room, with lanterns also around, making the whole room a lot lighter, even with the natural light flowing through. The sofa now had more cushions on it and some blankets on there as well.

Placed on the table in the corner was now more food, which all thankfully didn't need to be refrigerated. Water bottles were also placed over there allowing quick access to all of it if the kid were to come when Bucky wasn't there.

Realistically, he knew the kid might just be busy. Who knows, maybe he didn't have the time to come and see Bucky. And yet, everyday where he wouldn't see him, he would have to try and stop the bad feeling from worming it's way into his soul and messing with him.

The kid was fine.

Right.

The amount of sleep he had got had decreased within the week as well. Every night he would wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. Some would be flashbacks to his Winter Soldier days, flashbacks to the fight with Stark. But the worst ones, were the ones where Peter was involved. Sometimes it would start as a flashback, him as the Winter Soldier, fighting someone, then Peter would be there, and suddenly his metal hand was wrapped around his throat, and no matter how hard he tried, he could never stop.

He would always wake up before he killed the kid, but he could never stop himself from the 'what if's', what if one day he suddenly loses control and suddenly he had killed Peter. He would never, ever be able to live with himself if that were to happen.

The time spent in Wakanda had allowed him to remove the trigger words from his mind, so really, The Winter Soldier was no more. But sometimes, a part of him mind might forget that and he begins to feel the panic that maybe- just maybe, he'll turn back into his old ways and do something he'll never be able to forgive himself for. He had hardly forgiven himself for what he had done previously, even if he had been under mind control, and the fight with Stark had made it even worse.

He'll never be able to forget the people he had killed, the people he had hurt. And he'll never be able to forgive himself properly for it, no matter what good he might be able to do in the future.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he settled his gaze on his hands, one glinting slightly in the light while the other would be passed off as any other persons hand.

He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, or something had happened as he continued to sit there. The air around him felt tense, even with no one around, it was obvious something had happened. He just hoped it wasn't anything too serious.

-

*Location- Stark Tower*

Tony growled under his breath as Ross tried to call him again. He allowed it to ring out, focusing on the project in front of him. His mind was busy thinking of everything that had happened, he and Pepper breaking up, the fight in Germany, Rhodey falling, the fight- the fight in Siberia.