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𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙴.
Since the weird meeting with Kenma last night, she didn't really get any sleep. If she could pick any memory to erase from yesterday or do over, it would be her conversation with him. It wasn't only embarrassing on her part, it was also awkward.
But what did she really expect?
She was a really shitty person to him, did she really expect him to forgive her?
The answer was yes. She wanted- no, needed him to forgive her. She needed him to allow her to right her wrongs. She knew he wasn't really one to hold grudges, but she only really knew the old him anyways.
The old Kenma. The antisocial volleyball player who was bitter and nonchalant to almost everyone.
When she met him he was like that. She guessed she really liked that part of him because she never saw it as a problem, not as much as everyone else at least.
Then with time, he grew. He'd talk to her more, mostly about games- but at least he was talking in her opinion. He had a nice voice to her, she was really hopeless when it came to him speaking.
Then outside of school on the weekends or after school, the trio started hanging out.
She eventually realized that he had become used to her.
Like when she missed school, he'd always come over after school, even if it was just to play a game. Or when he made it the everyday thing for them to walk to school together and back home if he didn't have practice.
It was nice for her. Having friends. Ones that didn't really care about the small things.
Kuroo and Kenma made her happy.
Whether her feelings for Kenma were platonic or romantic, she was happy.
She was happy. Being almost done with high school and about to graduate, thinking she could conquer the world. College was like conquering the world.
It was something she had to do. Even after she got into her dream college, she pushed and pushed. It wasn't long before she burned out and Kuroo had to basically cover for her.
She did everything in her power to get to college and didn't even last a year.
Was it pathetic? Yes. Her mother said no and that it happens to almost everyone. But she had lost so much to get where she was now and it made her upset. Because in the end, she didn't have anything. Not her friends, not her degrees, not Kenma.
She wanted to tell him why, and that's probably why she was so focused on getting him to forgive her. If he knew, that would probably remove one of the many weights on her chest.
And she'd be one step closer to getting him back, she at least hoped.
It was easier said than done, especially since they never actually cleared their old slate. To move onto something new they would have to relive and revisit everything they'd been avoiding.
No matter how she made up a rough draft of the conversation in her head, she knew saying it to his face would be something completely different.
And it was the same with Kenma.
He didn't want to make a fool of himself like yesterday, so he wouldn't talk to or approach her unless it was necessary.
He had about enough of being embarrassed, frustrated, and flustered by the same girl. She always had the same effect on him, even after all the time she was gone, what she did, and how she left.
She still made his heart flutter and his brain go fuzzy.
But he always knew that he never really hated her.
