Borders & Rules

Chapter 17

Dr Wilson
Sunday

I'm grateful that you listened to me at the meeting. But it was not okay to tell me to see a therapist.

However, I came out to my therapist today. I told her everything that ever bothered me, so I've done my part. Now it's your turn.

And don't worry. I'll never bother you ever again after this.

Hello Felix.

Let's meet and talk about your friend.

Did you find him??

We don't have to meet up.

Just tell me. Does he not want to see me?

Did your boss say no?

We'll meet up and talk about it.

I don't want to meet you.

There is no chance I will break this to you via WhatsApp. We meet or you remain unknowing.

Monday

120 Grove Lane

My address.

I was all sweaty when I got home and put my skateboard down to take off my shoes. It was freaking hot outside and I had ran to the bus after school but missed it and had to skateboard to get home. Skateboarding in this heat was only nice when you could stop for a leisurely drink in the shadow, but knowing that Dr Wilson could have arrived already I rushed.

I went home with a sense of joy and great expectations. I really expected everything. I expected to get home and be greeted by Kevin. I expected he would give me his number or Dr Wilson would let me speak to him on the phone.

„Mom?" I threw off my jacket. The whole house was quiet, but I heard dull voices coming from the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway and looked between my mother and Dr Wilson. It was strange to see him here. He was wearing that medical shirt that all the doctors and nurses wore and it was extremely intimidating to me. „Hey."

They both looked at me. And I realized now that my mother was ashen, like something terrible had happened. „What's wrong?"

My mother neither answered, nor did she greet me or ask me how my day was. She came up to me and took my head into her hands. She put a kiss on the top of my head. She looked at me for a few seconds like she wanted to say something. Then she left the kitchen.

It didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing. No addresses. No risk he could have told my mother I'm gay. I looked up at Dr Wilson. „Kevin?" My stomach turned with excitement.

„Sit down, Felix."

I turned around. Went to the chair. Did whatever he said. He should just hurry the fuck up. I sat down. „Did you talk to him?" There was this disgusting, oppressive fear that settled in my stomach and his silence made it all worse.

Dr Wilson leaned against the table, across from me. Wrinkles formed on his forehead and he looked stressed.

He held out his hand without saying anything. Here. I stared at his hand, bigger than mine, long, thin fingers. Hold my hand, I remembered him saying on the blood draw. And even though I was mad at him, I took it. I was nervous as hell.

His hand was cold, his grip strong. It was like he wanted to strengthen me. I can't help thinking that this was why I haven't blacked out when he finally talked.

„September last year," he started slowly, pressing my hand stronger, „your friend Kevin committed suicide."