Borders & Rules

Chapter 28

Obviously I did not tell my mother I was going to a party. I'm pretty sure you know my mother by now and can relate why. I told her I was gonna stay at Louis', who is a new friend from school. She was too busy being happy about the fact I have a friend. Eventually I was really planning to stay at Louis'.

The party was a sensory overload. I had expected a lot of people, but not so many you could hardly get through the hallway. I couldn't understand how someone could have so many friends. Damn it, I didn't even know so many people. Everybody was in a good mood, laughing, singing. Outside people were smoking, inside they were drinking. I wondered how old the people here were.

I was nervous. Every time I pictured what it would be like to see Jeremy again and how that would play out my heart jumped. I was looking for him constantly and I wasn't sure if that was because I wanted to see him or because I didn't. Because, damn, I was on edge.

You could have opened a whole bar with the collection on alcohol in the kitchen. I just went with a coke. Louis—with whom I had skated here—started right away with beer. Clicked open the can and drank it, then sighed in relish. It suited him so well to drink beer from a can like that that I had to grin.

My ears were overloaded. The music overstepped the 'unbearable' border. I went deaf for seconds, hearing a beep. Yep. That was how loud the music was. And if I had to describe the music, I would say it was songs that everyone knew, somehow, somewhere.

Louis grinned at me and suddenly I was really glad that I wasn't alone here. That I wasn't the only party virgin. He had told me a few things on the way here. His beer at the trip had also been his first one and his parents didn't know he was here either. Hell, who knew if Chloe's parents even knew of this party. Nobody knew.

I grinned back at Louis. Only then I realized why he grinned because I was pocked into my waist. I wish I could pronounce in words how excited I was when I turned around, finding Jeremy smiling at me. I felt really warm. And his eyes sparkled with joy. Oh god.

All three of us shouted some kind of greeting that none of us could really hear while I was trying not to grin too hard. Jeremy said something. I couldn't understand him, so I leaned to him. And smelled him. And he smelled amazing, guys. Like, the perfume kind of amazing. The trying hard kind of amazing. He tried hard. For whom? For me?

However, when he leaned forward, his hand smoothly lay on my back and he said right into my ear, „You look adorable." I pressed my lips together to avoid a smile. Guys, I could feel his breath everywhere when he chuckled. On my ear. On my cheek. On my neck...

„Shut up..."

„No, seriously. Brown really suits you."

„Thanks..."

Jeremy pointed to my drink „What you drinking?"

„Coke."

„Want me to mix you something?"

„What??" I shouted against the music.

„Wanna drink alcohol?" he yelled back. It was crazy, it felt like right now that I was finally talking to freaking Jeremy the music got louder and louder.

Instead of trying hard to answer I just shook my head. Well, actually I wanted to. But it's like that. I didn't want to find out what it was like when I was drunk. I never wanted to get to that point. Loose control of myself or my body. I've seen often enough in my life how stupid and thoughtless drunk people can act, since my father was a drinker.

The thought of losing control myself not only feared me, it disgusted me. And something told me that all the drinks here had a lot more impact than the one simple beer I had drank at the trip.

Jeremy leaned even more forward. „You sure?" he asked. „Hard to survive a party like that sober."

„Are you drinking?" He nodded. Since we had to get so close to talk all the time, he just left his hand on my back and there was this nice and tingly feeling in my stomach. „What are you drinking?"

He held his glas to me like asking, wanna try? And I took a small sip. It tasted even sweeter than my coke. And I found it at least tastier than beer. 

Chloe and Henric joined us. Chloe hugged Louis, then me, and asked why we were so late. Louis somehow tried to explain to her that we skated here, which made me laugh since he tried using pantomime. I also tried to ignore the fact that Jeremy's hand has wandered from my back to my waist. And stayed. And squeezed whenever I looked at him.

I nervously continued to sip my coke, which was quickly empty. Then I had an energy drink. Which was empty pretty quickly too. There were five of us and I felt so cool because we were kind of like a clique now. But the best about it was that three of us were queer, so I wasn't too scared to be conspicuous. Or that Jeremy was conspicuous when he stroke my waist. Up and down. So carefully I got goosebumps.

Of course there were other people around us, but that was secondary tonight. We just had fun and enjoyed and laughed. Louis started making stupid jokes. Something about Henric's cigarettes I didn't understand. But everyone laughed and I laughed because I was excited.

Later we all went out together because Jeremy wanted to smoke. I found out that Henric and Jeremy always smoked together during breaks and that Chloe sometimes puffed on a cigarette when she felt like it. Louis tried it too. In fact, you could say he even had half of a cigarette. He claimed that the effect of cigarettes was much stronger on him than alcohol. So I wanted to try one as well.

At one point Louis said I seemed drunk. He added something like, „I told you so. Cigarettes have an effect, folks." They laughed.

Well. Yet I was still laughing with them about what Louis said. Little did I know that I'd be crying soon.