Borders & Rules

Chapter 26

„Okay, so, I'm almost ninety nine percent sure that Jeremy likes me." I didn't even give him a spare second when I entered his apartment. I took off my jacket and just started talking. „You're probably thinking 'why doesn't he just google that shit instead of wasting my time' but for your information, I've spent the last four hours on the bus googling and trying to figure out what french kissing means and why you have to go on exactly three dates before you even begin to think about kissing and have come to the conclusion that google is a terrible guide because everyone there just wants to add their two cents. Are you laughing at me right now?"

Blair stood at the entrance to another room, arms crossed and smiling in amusement. I repeat—Blair Wilson smiled.

„You clearly are!"

„Who's that?"

The door opened an inch further and I immediately shut up. Blair's appearance changed from friend to adult so quickly it left me speechless. Behind him stood another guy in a bathrobe. I just wanted to curl up and die.

„Is that your little friend?" Blair turned his head to him serenely. „Don't you wanna introduce me to him?"

He thought for a moment, then simply said, „No."

„Hi Felix." I may have shrugged a little when the stranger in the bathrobe held out his hand in greeting. „I'm Blair's brother. Angus."

Brother. Jesus Christ. Thank you. Angus was surely younger than Blair, looking like a younger version of Blair, just that he was smiling more. The same hair color, the same narrow eyes. Angus' face was rounder.

„Oh," I laughed relieved. „Hi, I'm Felix. Nice to meet you."

„Pleasure's mine." His smile was charming. „So which Blair-acquaintance-category do I put you in? Pleasure or job?"

„Angus." Angus laughed roughly. „He's sixteen."

„Sorry, Felix. Couldn't help it. Blair's really into cute guys, you know."

Blair straightened up. He blinked in shock. He was appalled by his brother's words. And it was refreshing to see something else on his face but seriousness. I don't know, I started to like not only Angus but also the person Blair became when he was with him.

„Okay. I should go before he kills me with those eyes." I chuckled. I knew exactly what Angus meant. Blair's looks could be deadly.

Looking after him I couldn't stop grinning. „Oh my god. Your brother is so cool."

„He has good and bad sides." Blair's eyes fell on me. „Who's the lucky one?"

I opened my mouth. Closed it again. „Er... His name's Jeremy..."

„Forget french kissing. Do what feels right to you."

„The thing is, I can't afford to make mistakes. Jeremy is famous at school. I am not. And he's outed and doesn't even get bullied. While I would never even dare to come out. Say, when was the last time you vacuumed here?"

„Does he want you to be out?"

„No?" I stopped to think. „I don't know. I actually told him I was straight but he figured out I was lying. Which is kinda scary because I tried really hard not to be obvious." I stopped and looked around. „Okay, what is wrong with your apartment. You can't tell me that this is how you live." I mean, I was used to disarray, but I hadn't expected it from someone like him. Just by looking at Blair, you can tell he had his whole life under control. He was certainly one of those people who even vacuumed under the sofa.

Blair turned around as if noticing the mess for the first time. Or maybe he just wanted to make sure it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. In the end it wasn't that messy. It was just unexpected.

„Do you mind?" Blair watched me as I walked to the living room table. I couldn't even look at it. „I can't focus like that." I stacked the pizza boxes. „You'd think a doctor knows how to live healthy."

„I do."

„Sure looks like it."

„I don't live alone." Okay. Right. So that must be the bad side of Angus.

„Right. However. Do you think he's into me when he climbed up my bunkbed and listened to music with me? He also complimented my music taste."

„Sounds like flirting to me."

I got very warm. I couldn't really get my head around it. Am I just imagining something? I mean, we were talking about Jeremy. Why would Jeremy fancy me?

Blair gathered all the garbage into a bag and I watched him briefly. It was unusual to see him in casual clothes, his hair slightly tousled. He looked so natural. Not like a terrifying doctor. Maybe that's why I could talk so openly. „How do I flirt back?"

„Touch him."

I stared at him like he just told me to sleep with him. Did I want to touch Jeremy? I mean, when he touched me, of course it was heaven for me. But me touching him? „I don't know how."

Blair got up and shrugged. „Do what you feel like."

I tilted my head. „I... don't know what I feel like?"

Blair stopped. He had his eyebrows furrowed, which pretty much looked like he was thinking, are you stupid? „Have you never felt like touching a guy you like?"

I looked away confused. „Have you?"

„Yes?" he chuckled.

„Where?"

Blair's laugh disappeared from his face quicker than it had appeared. He suddenly looked quite helpless and I wondered how we went from Jeremy to the question where Blair likes to touch guys he likes. Who, according to Angus, were cute guys. I didn't actually want to know that.

Blair's gaze wandered down on me. „Touch his arm."

„His... arm?"

„Yes."

„That's how flirting works?"

He looked away. „Yes."

„So that's what you do? When you like a guy?"

Blair hesitated. „I don't think we have similar intentions."

„What's that supposed to mean?"

„It means he only wants—"

„Angus," Blair looked at him with a warning gaze.

I blinked in confusion. 

„Felix," Angus said and sighed as he sat next to me on the couch. I looked at him. „Don't rack your brain. You only have your first love once in a lifetime."

„It's... not my first..."

„So what? You're young. At your age, everything still feels magical and new. Don't overthink it. And most important, don't ask for dating tipps from my brother unless you wanna get laid." Blair gave him a sharp look.

„So, you're saying I should do nothing?"

„Exactly," Angus said. „Just let it happen."