Borders & Rules

Chapter 22

At the end of the school year my class went on a school trip, which would've usually been just horror for me. Since I had always been trying to hide what happened when I didn't have myself under control in my sleep. This year there was another problem I had to hide.

I took Kevin's notes with me. I mean, I didn't read them every day, but I wanted to have them with me in case I suddenly needed them urgently.

So here's the thing. We were asked who we wanted to share a room with. And not like 'please form groups' more like 'Felix, who do you wanna share a room with?' I felt busted. I couldn't just answer, I don't have anyone in mind.

„Me." A guy stepped next to me. Not just any guy. Freaking Louis. That was the name of the guy who had spoken to me in the hallway and who has since smiled at me every time we met on the bus. I've had my eye on him ever since and always wished we could be friends. „We'll share a room."

„You need two others."

„Us," said two other boys, one of them unfamiliar to me, the other one though—Fucking Jeremy. Jeremy wasn't just popular, guys. Girls ran after him. And for good reasons. He didn't look bad. He had that perfect surfer boy tan that everyone was into. And his smile was gold. And I should stop raving about a straight boy.

I couldn't find a reason why they would share a room with someone like me. Probably because of Louis. But why would Louis?

However, their popularity was the reason why so many people suddenly came into our room at night and wanted to play Spin the Bottle, including girls. It drove me insane because I couldn't tell if they wanted me here too, or if they would rather play without me. That's why I didn't play at first. And Louis mostly just talked to Jeremy and his friend anyway, so I was starting to wonder why he would want to share a room with me. Probably just to save me from the weird situation. Good enough reason.

Then, though, Louis all out of sudden asked me why I wasn't playing with them. Damn, guys, he even asked me if I had a problem with them. Thought I wouldn't like them. Blinking in confusion I answered that I just didn't get why I was here. And I will never forget Louis saying—in a quite chill way, „You seem cool?" It was amazing to hear him say it, but even better to know that Jeremy and his friend listened.

I wasn't sure about the game though. Like, wasn't Spin the Bottle a game where you have to do whatever another person says? That sounded pretty gross to me. So I lay on top of my bed and finally dared to at least watch them play, from a comfortable position. I felt pretty safe up here. And it wasn't just safe to only be a watcher—it was fun as well. Like, I don't know, watching a movie?

Once the bottle stopped at Jeremy, the previous girl decided to give him the task of kissing someone in this room. That's exactly what I was talking about. Well, I know people wouldn't have given me the same task, but that's not the point.

However, the way I saw it, no one had a problem kissing Jeremy. Obviously. And I could hear almost every girl in the room thinking. But I actually heard them gasping and screeching when Jeremy turned and kissed our other roommate. The Stranger. A guy. Even I was close to scream. The only one who didn't freak out was the stranger himself.

I got hot as hell. Even though I wasn't the one who took the risk of coming out in front of so many, I felt caught. I've never seen two boys kiss in real life ever before. I had imagined it, sure. I have watched it on screens. But the way they were kissing... I was officially jealous as hell. And... something else. Hell, I wanted to be kissed like that.

It was almost two in the morning when everyone finally left. The stranger closed the door. And then he said, „I wanna scream. Can I scream?" Me too, Stranger. Me too. Jeremy just laughed his amazing laugh. Lucky Stranger.

„Do you have any idea how many hearts you just broke?" Louis asked.

„Wasn't on purpose," Jeremy grinned and literally just took off his pants. Jesus Christ. I don't think I've ever blushed so much in one evening. „I hope you two don't have a problem with it."

„As long as you don't make out when we're in the same room," Louis said. And then Jeremy looked at me. I really wanted to scream out loud. I no longer knew what words are. I shook my head more than I had to.

„Great," Jeremy smiled. „But, honestly, what about you? You also seem kinda sus. I mean, no offense."

„I'm very straight," Louis said.

„Not you, idiot." Only then I realized that Jeremy was just talking to me. And that Jeremy literally just asked me if I was gay. Jesus, I mean, am I that obvious?!

„Me too," I copied Louis and lay down in my bed, feeling safer because no one could see me up here now. Until Jeremy climbed on his own bunk bed. So I turned around to the wall. God I don't know why I was so scared. But I knew I wouldn't get another word out of myself. And I was very sure that I would talk to Naomi about this.

I wish I could describe to you how much I wanted to talk to them. I was about to freak out because I found all of this so freaking exciting, but it just didn't work. Like there was a lock inside me holding me back.

So I stopped contributing to the conversation. But I still had ears. And Louis was about as curious as I was, thank god. „How long have you been together?"

„Oh we're not together," I heard Jeremy say and this was when I realized that he wasn't really far away from me. He sounded closer than expected. Even though there was a gap between our bunk beds. „Henric likes boys, and I'm definitely gay, but we're not dating. We just do it sometimes."

„Do what?"

Oh. My. God. This conversation seemed way too intimate for me. Luckily neither of them answered, but Jeremy let out that obviously amused laugh and I just stared at the wall with huge eyes and a shock that paralyzed me. God. Oh god. They do it sometimes. They are doing it sometimes. Like adults. Oh my god. Now I knew I wouldn't speak about this to Naomi. But thank god I had a second emergency contact that I came out to.