Yooji: Love is War [Winrina]

14: This Heart

               It had been years since I last went to a beach resort. If I was remembering it correctly, it was when I was in middle school when my section held a class outing that required all of us to join. I didn’t have any recollection of that particular event, though, and it was probably because it didn’t leave a strong impression on me.

               However, a family outing? Never. Unlike those families who spend their summer vacation enjoying the sea breeze, the feeling of the fine white sand beneath their feet, and immerse their bodies in the water, my own family would only remain holed up in the hospital doing what they do best: forgetting that they had another daughter at home who could only let the days pass by alone in her room.

               I was fortunate enough to have a sister like Jisoo who would visit me once every week as if to remind me that I had a family. Though, that still wasn’t enough to make my childhood memorable.

               That must be why I was kind of excited about this training camp. Especially since I was going to spend these two days with the people I grew accustomed to for two years by sharing the same love for music. I wouldn’t call them ‘friends’ since I didn’t know them personally nor did I ever try to bond with them, but the music club was one of the highlights of my high school life.

               Yeji was even more enthusiastic about it.

               She brought two medium travel bags as if she was planning to stay there for good. She reasoned out that she needed to change clothes after every schedule and three swimsuits for when we were finally available to enjoy the beach to our heart’s content.

               “It’s too bad that you didn’t bring Minjeong Kim with you.” She whispered to me. We were seated side by side inside the minibus with me occupying the spot next to the window as usual. I wouldn’t trade having to witness different scenics while this vehicle accelerated along the road for the world.

               My eyebrows furrowed as I shot her a confused look, wondering what prompted her to say such a thing.

               Sure, she would probably enjoy this kind of trip since she was also a musician. However, why would she want me to bring someone she wasn’t close with in the first place and even be disappointed that she wasn’t coming?

               Was I getting dumb or she wasn’t making any sense?

               “What’s that supposed to mean?”

               “Oh, nothing much.” She cast me a certain look that was implying she was hiding something. “I am just bummed out.”

               I could probe further for a clearer answer to satiate my confusion, but I decided against it. This was Yeji who I was comfortable being around because she never pried into my personal life and vice versa. Besides, if she wanted to tell me, she would even without being asked.

               But now that her name was mentioned, I couldn’t help myself to think about her as I returned my attention outside the window, a song from her playlist playing on my earphones.

               The moment I held the miniature replica in my hands, pangs of guilt immediately swallowed me whole. After uttering things that were very disrespectful, after—after I behaved awfully, she still proceeded to give me the gift she worked so hard on creating for a week with a bashful smile on her face. She wasn’t even mad at all that I basically stepped on her feelings. She was—she was just proud that she made something so amazing.