Yooji: Love is War [Winrina]

16.5: Extra

               Every time I would see a family in which the child had a striking resemblance to their mother and the obvious strong bond they shared, I’d then wonder how was it like to also be raised by the person you had been born to.

               Was it happier?

               Was it warmer?

               Would I be able to feel what people called mother-daughter connection?

               For instance, if I was facing a problem, could she sense it right away even without words being said as if she had a telepathic ability?

               Would I also be scolded for being a naughty kid?

               If I scratched my knee for playing too much, would I also get ice cream and hear comforting words after?

               Or whenever I couldn’t sleep at night, would I also experience being read bedtime stories with the most tender voice until I fall asleep?

               These things that the majority of children had experienced were all alien to me.

                That was why I hated it so much when we were being tasked to write something about our mothers in school.

               It was not possible in my case.

               I would always get a big fat zero.

               Because my biological mother left me the moment I was out of her womb.

               I was discarded like an object.

               No mercy.

               I was told that her reason was she had no means to raise me for she was poor who could provide only for herself.

               I had no place in her life.

               Nor had she planned to have me from the beginning.

               I was a mistake.

               A product of infidelity my father and the former maid of the Kim family committed.

               Shameless.

               Both of them.

               I had never seen her even once in my life.

               My father also refused to talk about her.

               I don’t even know what her name was and I think it was better that way. Because if I don’t know her name, then there would also be no attachment.

               I wouldn’t want to feel any kind of emotion toward someone I do not know.

               I don’t even hate her.

               She doesn’t deserve to occupy my mind and heart.

               She was just an existence I acknowledged as someone who birthed me into this world.