Issues ✔️

Chapter 1

I sat in the chair of the waiting room for my turn. I looked up when I heard the door open to see the same girl I saw every Wednesday. Some times it was obvious she had been crying, today was one of those days. Her eyes were normally a soft blue grey color, today they were a dark blue like the color of the ocean in a storm. She always kept her long dark hair down, trying to cover her eyes as she avoided my gaze. I wonder if she ever even noticed me as she rushed out of the office, because I certainly always noticed her. I heard the door to the office open again as my therapist, Dr. Tompkins peeked her head out.

"Chris. You can come in."

I smiled and nodded as I followed her into the office, sitting in the middle of the couch like I always did.

"Good afternoon Chris, how are you today?"

I sighed, "I'm fine."

She laughed, "convincing. We're here for you Chris. Something on your mind?"

I chuckled, "I don't know. Mostly just a general feeling of being a bit lost. Career, family, both are great."

"But..."

I shrugged, "but anytime I start to get anywhere real with a woman, I mess it up. I jeopardize it."

Dr. Tompkins nodded, "and why do you find it difficult to let women in?"

"It's hard. Some women just want to be with me for them and not for me. They want Captain America or Chris Evans the actor, not me. It's hard for me to discern the difference until it's too late. And the few that do want more, I have trouble letting in. Because what's the point?"

She shrugged, "what do you mean by what's the point?"

I sighed, crossing my arms in front of my chest, "chances are it wouldn't work out anyways. So why bother going through the steps of letting someone in, just to give them the chance to hurt me. Or vice versa."

She cleared her throat, "and what makes you think you wouldn't work out? Because of your parents?"

I groaned, "well yeah. As soon as we were all adults, my father left my mother to start a new family."

"And don't you think that is the perfect reason as to why you would be different?"

I sighed, "I guess so. I just can't ever get over that hump. I get to the point where I need to let them in or let them go and I have to let them go. I've never met a woman I've deemed worth the time to let them try break my walls."

"And how will you know when they are worth it?"

I shrugged, "I don't really know."

She stood up, "well maybe you should think about that for next time then Chris."

I nodded, "okay."

*************************************************************

"Hey Kate! You're early!"

I looked up from my desk, smiling at my kitchen manager and best friend, Sally leaning on the doorframe. "Yeah. Nothing else to do. I'll be there for prep in a bit."

Sally shook her head, "you really need a life Kate. A life outside the restaurant."

I rolled my eyes, "yeah yeah." I watched her walk away before I went back to my inventory list. I had the job I wanted, owner and head chef of my own restaurant. But I could never get the 'life' part right; the love part. After everything that had happened throughout my life, I just couldn't find anyone willing to take the time to break my walls. I sighed, changing quickly before finding everyone waiting for me in the kitchen for the night service. I went over the menu for the night as everyone took to their normal jobs. When I walked into cold walk in I heard him follow me. I turned around, "Levi, don't you have something better to be doing?"

He smiled, nodding, "yeah. You."

I giggled as I felt him grab me, peppering my neck with kisses. Levi was my sous chef for the restaurant whom I also had sex with occasionally. "Not here Levi."

He groaned, "why not."

I laughed, pushing him away, "for one, we aren't alone. And two, it isn't exactly sanitary."

He sighed, "fine. I'll stay back and help you clean up later?"

I giggled at him, "you bet. Now get back to work."

He winked, "yes ma'am. I love when you tell me what to do."

I felt Sally nudge my shoulder as I chopped vegetables, her voice low.

"You ever going to talk to that guy you pass everyday in therapy?"

I laughed, "repeat that sentence back to yourself. He's in therapy. And as many times as I've left the office crying, I doubt he would have any interest in me."

Sally shook her head, "that's a bit of a double standard. As if he isn't dateable because he's in therapy? That should be more of a reason. At least he is aware. You know?"

I shrugged, "yeah. I suppose so." I thought about the guy that was always sitting and waiting as I left the office every Wednesday. His hair dark and his eyes kind and a sky blue color as they occasionally met mine. He would probably never be able to handle my insecurities and my issues with men in general.

"Hey, Earth to Kate. What are you thinking about?"

I looked up at Sally to see her looking at me. I shook my head, "no, nothing."

She laughed, "sure."