Issues ✔️

Chapter 11

"So how are you today Kate?"

I shrugged, "fine?"

Dr. Tompkins laughed, "is that a question? What's going on? Are you still dating Chris?"

I nodded, "I think so."

"You think so?"

I shrugged again, "I'm not completely sure? He's acting a bit weird. He left this morning before I woke up."

Dr. Tompkins shook her head, "wait. Go back, you guys are sleeping together?"

I sighed, "we've slept, only slept, together twice. On the fourth, and last night. We've been discussing me stepping back from the restaurant. You know it has been something I've been talking about doing for a while. I gave the head chef position to Levi. And when I discussed it with Chris last night, he implied I was only doing it for him. He's flailing. I can feel it."

She sighed and nodded, "okay. What makes you think that?"

I laughed, "I don't know. Him leaving this morning before I woke up? Leaving a half assed note as the excuse. Because he says and does something one minute and then he's like a completely different person the next. He said he's never felt this way this fast before. And I feel the same. But he's getting scared. And I'm not one to cling onto him. So," I shrugged, "I guess I'm giving him space. I'm not sure."

"Okay. Let's back up a bit more. What have you guys discussed? As far as your past is concerned."

I shrugged, "he knows about why I don't like closets, and he saw the burn scars on my back. So he knows about that. I don't know. We haven't even had sex yet, so I haven't gone through everything. I don't know if I ever will or if I even need to."

She nodded, "you said you haven't felt this way this fast before, how do you feel? How are you feeling?"

"Well we've slept together. I don't like sleeping with anyone. Even all the times I've had sex with Levi, we've never slept together."

"Okay. What makes Chris different."

I shrugged, "I don't know. He feels safe. He makes me feel safe. No one ever has before."

"Do you love him?"

I laughed, shaking my head, "let's not be crazy. We hardly know each other. Could I love him?" I shrugged, "yeah. Probably. But," I shook my head, "he's already running. And I have no intention of chasing him." I turned away from her as I felt my eyes welling with tears. I wanted to chase him, but that wasn't who I was.

"Maybe he needs you to chase him. Maybe he needs to know he's worth it too. And you let people walk away from you Kate, because you don't think you're worth it."

I shrugged, "Maybe I'm not."

Dr. Tompkins shook her head, "oh come on Kate. I know you don't believe that."

I sighed, wiping the tears away, "I don't know."

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I looked up, standing as I heard the door to the office open. I handed Kate her coffee as she half smiled at me. She started to walk away but I grabbed her arm, making her face me. I placed my hand on her cheek, "you've been crying."

She shook her head, "how do you know that?"

I ran my fingers through her hair, "because your eyes are dark when you've been crying."

She groaned, "we don't know each other well enough for you to know that about me Chris."

I shrugged, removing my hand, "I'm sorry. I've been watching you walk past me here for almost a year Kate. And I'm sorry I left this morning."

She shrugged, "it's fine. I have to get to the restaurant."

I watched her walk away, knowing it was my fault she had been crying. She was shutting down and it was my fault.

"Chris."

I turned to see Dr. Tompkins glaring at me. I groaned, entering the office to sit in my normal spot. "You don't have to say it. I already know."

She shook her head, "know what Chris. What's going on?"

"I don't know."

Dr. Tompkins sighed, "I think you do. Why are you scared?"

I looked up at her, "is that what she said? Does she think I'm scared."

She shook her head, "you know I can't discuss what her and I talk about."

I groaned, standing up to pace behind the couch. "I am scared. I wish I wasn't."

"Okay. Again. Why are you scared Chris?"

I put my arms up as I paced, "because! It's too soon!"

"What is too soon?" She watched him pace back and forth a few more times, "Chris! Sit down. I've never seen you like this. What is too soon?"

I groaned, sitting back on the couch with my head in my hands, "I'm in love with her. And it's too soon. And I can't tell her because I know her well enough to know she would freak out." I looked back up at Dr. Tompkins, "she had a panic attack when I asked her to meet my family. What would happen if I said I was in love with her?" I groaned loudly, resting my head back on the couch. "This is my problem. I fall too fast. And it's already begun, pushing her away. And she's shutting down." I looked back at her, "I'm fucking it all up like I always do."

Dr. Tompkins nodded, "okay. Why don't you just calm down for a minute. You're right, I wouldn't tell her yet. But that doesn't mean you can't show her. And if you're worried about messing it up then maybe you should be more aware of your actions. I think you should be fighting your instincts and doing the opposite. Like not leaving your girlfriend to wake up alone in the morning because you're scared."

I groaned again, nodding, "yeah. I know. That was stupid. I have to go." I didn't wait for a response as I walked out of the office.

********************************************************

I was standing in the kitchen, talking to Levi when Sally came into the kitchen.

"Kate, there's someone in your office."

I sighed, knowing who it was. I removed my apron, handing it to a smiling Sally as I left the kitchen. I was barely in my office when I felt his arms around me, his lips on mine as he lifted me off the ground. I moaned softly and I felt he would never let me go.

Chris finally set her back on the ground, "I'm sorry Kat. I shouldn't have left you this morning. I'm scared."

I nodded, "I know you are. So am I. But if you decide to run, just know that I won't come after you."

He nodded, "I know. Can I spend the night again? I promise I won't leave you alone in the morning."

I laughed, "I'd like that."

He smiled, running his fingers through her hair, "can I bring Dodger?"

I nodded, "of course you can." I wrapped my arms around his neck, "he's the only reason I'm dating you Chris."

He laughed, "oh I see."

I giggled as I pressed my lips back to his and I felt him pin me against the wall, making me moan. I pushed him away, "okay. You have to go."

He laughed and nodded as she handed him her keys.

"Let yourself in. I'll be late."

He nodded, "okay." He kissed her once more before leaving her office.