Remember me...

3. I have to go back..

"You made quite an impression on Bowen. I have never seen him so smitten before." Jiyang spoke while smiling, his lips greased by the oils of the fish he was enjoying. "He was...nice." Zhan kept his voice even and Jiyang wiped his mouth, then folded his hands over the table. "Spit it out. What's wrong?" Zhan averted his eyes and took a sip of his water. "Nothing." "Something is wrong. You've been weird this entire week. It all started that day with that extra serving of kung pao chicken. You never showed up. Kept your bakery closed for two days straight, hired Xiaoxi as a full time manager and you're distracted. Tell me, Zhan. What's wrong?", Jiyang's voice had gone softer towards the end and the truth left Zhan's mouth. "I need to go to Beijing." "For how long?", asked Jiyang and Zhan sighed out loud. "Don't know. A friend of mine is in need. I have to go." Yibo's smiling face flashed before Zhan's eyes and Zhan took a deep breath to calm his aching heart. "Are you sure you will be fine there?" Jiyang gave Zhan a look full of concern and Zhan gave him a small smile. "Don't know." Zhan knew that leaving Beijing again will be harder than last time. He didn't have the courage to start again but he had to help Yibo. "I know you ran from something, Zhan." Zhan's head shot up at Jiyang's words and the man gave him a look of understanding.

"It's not everyday that a man like you comes here to this place. I have known you for nearly three years and I know you've been hurt in the past. I consider you my friend, Zhan. You have never mentioned your past and honestly, I don't blame you for not telling me. I get that there are some things that are best kept in the heart. But, as a friend I will advise you to do what your heart says. Don't be afraid. If you want to go back, you can. You can help your friend and still come back here. You can only hurt if you choose to be hurt. I just want you to know that I will support you. Just please give me an address and keep in touch." Zhan's eyes misted over the words and Jiyang smiled. "Don't get all sappy. I need you in my life. You make sure I eat on time and remain emotionally stable." Zhan laughed at his friend's words and breathed in deeply. He had never told Jiyang what had happened in Beijing but Jiyang was right. They were friends. Jiyang was the man who had stood with Zhan through thick and thin and had always supported him. "I met Yibo four years ago when I was in college. My best friend was working as a bartender at a party and needed someone to care for his nephew. I was there watching over A-Yuan while Yubin worked. Yibo and I met and I fell in love at first sight. He was handsome, kind and I was blindsided by his charm. We kept bumping into each other after that and he asked me out. We were together for six months but then, his uncle found out. He wasn't happy that his nephew was seeing a man and things got ugly. It was a choice...me or his family. Yibo chose them and started dating a girl they approved of. I loved him too much but he said that he was done having fun with me and got engaged to the girl. I left at the day of his engagement. I couldn't stay in the same place as him and..I was going crazy. I had to leave." "What did you say his full name was?", Jiyang enquired and Zhan's words dropped to a whisper. "Wang Yibo." "The Wang Yibo?" Zhan was surprised Jiyang knew of Yibo. "Yeah. Wang Yibo. Do you know him?" Zhan's question was innocent and Jiyang let out a low whistle.

"Entire Chonqing does, you dork. He has hotels here. His family is a big deal and I think he also owns a nightclub, right?", mused Jiyang and Zhan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. He was still in his last year of college when we met. He was going to work in his brother's company." Zhan smiled remembering Yibo's pout. Yibo didn't want to work for his brother. He said he had too much self-respect to leech off his brother's success. His Yibo wanted to make a name for himself. Jiyang snapped a finger in front of him and Zhan came back to reality. "So why are you going back?", Jiyang enquired and Zhan told him what had happened. "Zhan maybe you should stay here. Who knows what mess the Wangs will drag you back in. He might not even remember you so, what's the point?." As soon as the words were said out loud, Jiyang saw pain flash on Zhan's face and he felt like shit. "Sorry, I...It came out wrong. I just...I don't want you hurt, Zhan." Jiyang was frustrated. He didn't want his friend to hurt anymore but he couldn't ask Zhan to stay back. Everything in him wanted to keep Zhan away from the Wangs but Jiyang couldn't. Not when everything Zhan needed was there in Beijing. "You should go, Zhan. Help him, deal with your feelings and promise me you will call me if it gets too much." Jiyang's voice was pleading and Zhan extended his fist to Jiyang. "I promise." The two friends bumped their fists and continued eating. "Remember Zhan. You will always have a home here." Zhan swallowed hard at the kind words and a "thank you" came off his lips.

That night, Jiyang's words kept reverberating in Zhan's ears. Jiyang had told him not to be scared. To do what his heart said. The words had encouraged Zhan that he was doing the right thing. His heart told him to not abandon Yibo in time of need. Zhan knew Haikuan wouldn't have come for him if he had another option. Zhan sighed and unlocked his phone. He called Haikuan and told him he would come to Beijing next week. "Thank you, Zhan. Really, thanks. Gege will always be grateful." "Please, Kuan-ge. Don't say such things. I will do whatever I can to help you. I know you are worried. Before I come, I need to know what you want me to do. If Yibo doesn't recognise me...do I have to be his friend or...I just wanted to know what's on your mind." Zhan's words ended on a whisper and Haikuan closed his eyes for a moment, thinking how painful it must be for Xiao Zhan. He felt terrible for doing this to Zhan but he really didn't have a choice. His only options were his brother's life or Zhan's heart. Haikuan was selfish because he chose his brother. "I never wanted to hurt you, Zhan. Gege wants to protect you too. Asking you to be something more to Yibo will be too cruel of me. All I hope for is you being his friend. You can do whatever you feel is best for Yibo. I trust you." Zhan hummed his answer and was silent for a few heartbeats before he spoke again. "Kuan-ge. I need you to promise me something." The man on the other end was quiet for a few moments before he asked Zhan to go on. "After this is over...I need you to promise me that you will never come to my door again. There is only so much I can take, ge. Promise me you will also forget about me like Yibo has." Zhan's voice was hoarse and Haikuan smiled bitterly. "I have failed you both, Zhan. I am a worthless man. The only two people I vowed to protect my whole life are getting hurt and I can't do anything. But, gege promises you. If this doesn't work, I will stay away until you are ready to let me be your brother again. I never intended to hurt you or drive you out of our lives but I couldn't do much as it happened. I promise you, Zhan. If you think you can't take it anymore,you can leave. I will never disturb you again. You will be free of us." The words washed over Zhan but rather than relief, he felt a sense of loss. Bitter, cold loss. "I will call you when I am in Beijing. Take care of yourself, ge." Saying this, Zhan disconnected the call and took in a deep breath. "Will I ever be free of you, Wang Yibo? When will I stop hurting myself this way?" Zhan closed his eyes and leaned against the window hardening his heart. There were too many things he had left behind in Beijing. He wasn't sure if he would be able to face all of it. "I wish you don't remember me Yibo but the thought of you forgetting me hurts even worse."

Wang Haikuan rubbed his throbbing temples and was about to get into bed when he heard a loud crash and he sprang up, running to Yibo's room. "Yibo!!!",he shouted seeing the man writhing on the bed and the broken lamp near it.  "Don't go...don't leave. Bao...bei. Zh-" "Yibo, wake up!! You are dreaming. Yibo!!" Haikuan shook Yibo hard and flinched when suddenly Yibo's hand came around his throat. "Don't fucking touch me!", Yibo warned coldly and Haikuan raised his hands in the air, his eyes filling with pain. Why was his baby brother this way? Why were the heavens punishing Yibo like this? "I won't", he said gently and saw guilt on Yibo's face but it was gone the next second. "Why are you here?",Yibo asked him and Haikuan got off the bed, his hands still in the air. "I heard the lamp break. You were having a nightmare." "Did I say anything?",Yibo asked sharply and Haikuan wished he could tell Yibo everything. "No. What did you dream of?", He asked evenly and Yibo's eyes went cold. "Don't know. Don't care." Haikuan watched as Yibo slid off the bed and walked to the bathroom, locking himself in.
Haikuan raised his hand to his throat and a defeated sigh left him. "It's only for a while, Yibo. He will be here soon." Haikuan walked out from his brother's room when he heard the shower running and laid awake in bed that night. "I hope he remembers you, Zhan", were the words he whispered into the dead of the night.