18. A Unfortunate Past

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We had invited family and friends. With the help of Sophie and Chia, the house was ready and in condition to live. Our house was two leveled, and had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a magnificent kitchen. We loved it. I had a spare room to myself to write, and to do what I wished. The room also stored my books, it was starting to become our little library. Well, more like my personal little library, even with all of Bee’s books stored in there as well.

The night before the housewarming, we were checking to make sure we had everything. After, we sat down to relax in the livingroom. We each were reading our own books. Bee had something to do with hospitals, I wasn’t going to ask about the topic. And I was on a new book, 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami.

As I was reading, something popped into my mind. I was happy in life. Despite everything that had happened, I was happy. From over the top of my book, I looked at Bee across from me. Was he happy? His serene face was frowning at what he read. I frowned too, wondering what confused him.

“Bee?” I said to him, putting my book down.

“Hmm?” Bee said back, lowering his book to look at me.

“I have a question for you.” Getting off of my seat, I move over to Bee’s couch. Bee marks his page and sets his book down as well.

“Okay,” Bee said, “What’s up?”

Sitting next to Bee, I turn my upper body to face him. “Are you happy?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you happy with how things turned out? We’re always talking about me, and I can’t help but wonder if you are happy as well. You had to deal with everything, the expectations of your family, work and me. I want to know how you are.”

Bee stared back at me, blinking without replying. “I am happy, happier than I have been in years. You know, I don’t like talking a lot about myself, but I am happy. To be truthfully honest, everything was stressful. I was scared of what would happen. Right now it all seems so easy, but a month ago, I was stressing out about how to tell my brothers. They had everything so easy. Work, marriage, moving out, kids. The expectation they had built was too much for me to handle. Before our marriage, I never imagined a life like this. I was still scared and kept all my hope in dreams. We're just starting out now, but I am happy."

We sat in quiet, looking at each other. He was happy. It didn't help to make me feel guilty for adding on to his burden. Bee had given me everything I could have ever wanted. When I was ready to settle for an apartment, he gave me a house to call home. I wanted a life full of meaning, and I had learnt so much through our first year of marriage.

Bee frowned, "Why are you giving me the saddest look ever?"

Tears formed around my eyes as I said, "I was dealing with living a life of a wife and daughter-in-law. I never asked you for anything, but you knew anyway, how difficult things were for me. You gave me a way out. I can't help but feel guilty."

Bee smiles at me, "Luna, that is all in the past. Yes, we had to go through some hard times, but lets not dwell in things we can't change. We're happy now, and that is all that matters to me. Don't make me more worried than I have to be, okay?"

I nod, not able to talk. I had a huge fit of cries in my throat and if I said one word it would come jumbling out.

"Now let's go to sleep. We have a lot to deal with tomorrow. I love family, but I wish it was all done with already."

 

I woke up to my phones blaring alarm. Restlessly I rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. After the night's talk, I had tossed and turned until Bee pulled me over him, spooning me to sleep. As much as I thought I would hate sleeping next to another person, I enjoyed the comfort of Bee next to me. We had broken apart through the night, but I did get to close my eyes before I woke up. No couple ever wakes up movie perfect.

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