No Strings

Night 1

Marina's POV

It's surprising what you get used to.

Being on tour isn't particularly glamorous, and you get tired and jet lagged. But it feels strangely comfortable the longer it carries on.

You get used to people being familiar rather than places, which kind of reminds me of Lana's Ride monologue.

But this tour has been very different. I've been mainly looking forward to getting back to LA for Lana to come to my show.

I'm not crazy for her or anything, her validation just feels good. And that's only natural. Not gay.

To be honest though, I have been thinking about what she could do to me backstage. But obviously they're just meaningless dirty thoughts. And won't happen... Well, probably won't.

And it wouldn't make sense for anything like that to happen between us. On top of that, I haven't spoken to her in a few months. We've texted but it wasn't anything, which was disappointing.

I'm just looking forward to seeing her in real life, and tonight is the LA show.

I have a couple of friends coming to watch me, and I'll see them after the show around the same time as the fans. I don't know when Lana will show up.

All I know is that I really really enjoyed the last time we were alone backstage together. It was pretty intense.

The only problem with Lana is that she makes me feel vulnerable and like I have to fight. I think she could destroy me. And not just in the bedroom.

Maybe if I didn't fight she'd have fucked me lots by now. That thought stings to think about. I only reject her for power but I continue to have none. So ultimately, what has the point been?

But I can't think like that. I can't let her get to me. Not yet at least.

I arrive at the LA venue nice and early. I'm excited to see my dressing room, just so I can think about what Lana could do to me here. I like to daydream about her, but I suppose my type of daydreaming could be classed as fantasising.

Rehearsals and sound checks go well. Nothing needs fixing today which is great because it means I get longer before the show. But I always perform on time, and I think it's rude when other artists don't. My fans pay money to see me and I don't think it would be fair to keep them waiting.

The more I think about Lana, the crazier it is to think about how the last time we kissed was over a year ago. I stare at her lips all the time because I can't believe I got to kiss them. And her body is so beautiful. I want to touch her.

"Marina" my manager comes into my dressing room, making me jump

"You could've knocked Derek.." I mumble

"I'm sorry. Are you ready for the show?"

"Yeah just not in appearance" I say. Right now I'm just in some casual clothes. I'll do the whole Electra costume in a little while. I have about two hours yet.

"Excellent. And how's that new song coming along?" He asks

"Really well actually. Shall I send it over?"

"It'd be great if you could" he smiles "isn't it nice when you actually do your job?"

Derek is great at making little bitchy comments at me. I always just ignore them, he's a middle aged man and won't ever relate to me or my work ethic.

"I'll be expecting a few friends here tonight. Definitely Charli, some of our mutual friends too I think."

"That'll be nice. Any sign of Lana Del Rey? I'd love it if you got close to her. You share a demographic, and-"