Loving You Is Too Difficult

7

She flopped down on the small bed as she put down the canvas bag full of books. She looked up at the white unadorned ceiling. Shouldn’t her life be as boring and unadorned as the ceiling? She had already resigned to her fate.  To be honest, she really had not been shocked when she saw him again. The calmness she showed was not pretension. But that was because she thought he was an illusion. Even after she recognised him and they talked, she still felt she was in a dream. As long as it was a dream, no matter how beautiful and coveted, at some point it would disappear and she would wake up. She had dreamt of him often. This particular dream had a thousand versions of how they finally met each other again. She had rehearsed this meeting so many times, why would she be shocked? She turned over and closed her eyes. Immediately, his handsome image flashed in her mind.

The years had been good to him. At the age of thirty three, he had only become more masculine. He had always been tall, but now he looked more solid. His presence and charisma was more pronounced, more sombre than that of a systems engineer many years ago.

Xiang Yu was the 33 year old president and general manager of the Asia region of a renowned company. Several business magazines had featured him and called him a business legend. A person like him, calm, determined and hardworking would certainly succeed.

Song Yu Shan smiled. She was the exact opposite. She had no expertise, a weak personality, a person who had been spoiled since childhood. Her only strength had been her family. Now ,even that advantage had gone. Her family had become the biggest joke. It was such a heavy burden on her that she could hardly lift her head and look straight

She was only twenty five, well, almost twenty six , but she felt old beyond her years.

“ Fine, fine..” she let out a long sigh. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She did not have dinner, but today she had not appetite as well. She should take a shower and change her clothes, but had no energy to do so. She just wanted to lie there. She didn’t want to think anymore. She needed a few hours rest. Tomorrow, she would wake up early, go to the library and spend a quiet day there…

Suddenly the harsh ringing of the door bell pulled her out of her stupor. Alarmed, she jumped out of her bed. She had stayed here for the last five years, and the number of visitors she had could be counted on the fingers of one hand. Moreover, a visitor would usually call before they visited, Who would come, unannounced, this late in the day ?

She came to the door and peeped through the eyehole. Her heartbeat immediately accelerated and she jumped back as if she had touched a livewire. Had her mind conjured him up from thin air because she had been thinking incessantly about him the last few days? He was dressed in an expensive business suit and looked fresh and unruffled inspite of what must have been a long and tiring business day. He seemed to peep at the eyehole as well, an she jumped back, then laughed at herself for imagining that he could actually see her from the other end

As soon as she opened the door, he was already admonishing her with a frown, “ Why did you not ask who it was before opening the door?”

“Because I saw you”, she pointed to the eyehole with a slight ridicule in her tone. She was twenty six, and had been living alone for so long. It was really unnecessary for him to treat her like a young and stupid little girl.

His eyebrows rose as he detected the ridicule. He decided to ignore it and walked around the house. It was a small and simple house. It had one bedroom, a living room and a kitchen so small it was almost a joke. The apartment was very clean, but also very plain. There were no chandeliers, no leather sofas, no white curtains and no swanky entertainment centres.

Was this where Song Yu Shan lived ?

“ How long have you been living here ?” his tone almost seemed to blame her.