Finally Free Again

4

Warnings:
-Binge/purging (vomiting/laxatives/overexercising)

George's POV

(Current time, George is 16 here)

I sniffed softly as I stared at all the food that I impulsively bought this morning. My dad and my brother weren't at home so I had no one to talk to now I needed distraction. Honestly, I wouldn't have talked to them anyway since they didn't know about my problems. They thought I was a normal teen without many problems.

Ever since I got beaten up so badly that I needed to stay in the hospital for a few days, I hadn't been myself anymore. I had constant nightmares and flashbacks and they drove me insane. I was so scarred by everything they told me and how much they hurt me that I tried to starve myself for a short period of time.

I was still ashamed that I failed starving after one day already and I ended up bingeing that evening. I binged on a thousand calories and felt very fat but mostly really disappointed in myself. I was supposed to lose weight, but I bingeing instead which would only cause me to gain more weight.

I felt so fat that I started to look for ways to make it undone. I knew there had to be a way to get rid of the calories and I ended up making myself throw up for the first time. Since I was very full, I threw up easily and felt happier after that. The guilt disappeared and I felt very strong that I had the courage to throw it all up.

I told myself I would starve again so I would stay thin, but eventually binged again. I threw it up and this cycle kept continuing until it completely escalated.

I first binged on a thousand calories, but the portions got bigger and unhealthier. Not only did they get bigger and unhealthier, I also started bingeing way more often than I used to. I never starved anymore, I was constantly eating loads and then purging again.

I noticed I was gaining weight which was the opposite of what I was going for. That caused me to feel very hopeless and eventually, I bought laxatives and other pills to lose weight.

I started feeling very bloated, I couldn't normally use the toilet without the laxatives anymore so I used them every day, even if I didn't binge.

Eventually, my binges got so bad that I ate till I threw up. I sometimes ate three to six thousand calories in under half an hour and was so full that I didn't even have to throw up myself. After I threw up because I was so full, I still threw up myself to make sure I had no food left within me and then I took laxatives and exercised a lot to burn everything I ate.

I didn't tell anyone that this was going on. It felt like I was just complaining and that nothing was wrong with me. It felt like I was genuinely way too fat and that I needed to lose weight.

I felt like such a disappointment. I was always bullied for my weight and I couldn't even starve myself. I wished I had the strength to stop eating forever, but I always got so hungry that I ate more in half an hour than I needed in two days.

I stared at the three cheeseburgers, five bags of fries, three donuts and way more unhealthy stuff in front of me. I had been trying to stop myself, but after I ate a few slices of pizza I couldn't stop anymore, even if I would try my hardest.

I reached out to grab the food and I ate the cheeseburgers, all the fries, the rest of the pizza I started with and kept going and going. I had never binged this badly and I ate so incredibly fast that I didn't even get to swallow my previous bites. I still had the food I ate a minute ago in my mouth as I stuffed the last bite of the cheeseburger in my mouth.

I was crying while eating since I couldn't stop myself anymore. I kept eating and eating until I was so full that I started gagging. It felt like the food didn't even fit in my stomach anymore and I could feel it being stuck in my throat, but I still wanted to eat more.

⚠️ Purging (self-induced vomiting)

I grabbed another donut and took a bite from it, then jumped up because I was so full. I had to stand still for a minute so I didn't throw up on the ground. The nausea faded slowly and I went to the bathroom, falling down onto my knees.

I stared at my bruised hands and sighed softly, lifting my fingers up to stick them back into my throat like I used to do. I gagged loudly and didn't take longer than a second to throw up the food I just ate.

⚠️ Over

Since I ate so incredibly much, it took minutes before I finally threw up everything and I leaned against the wall as I started crying. I hated myself so much, I wished I wouldn't constantly binge and throw up.

I always felt incredibly weak and it made me so sad since I wanted to be healthy. My only wish was to be thin but apparently that was too much to ask. I was still fat and disgusting, I was disgusted by myself since people called me a pig and fat so often.

I sighed and lifted myself up, walking to my room. I opened the drawer in my nightstand and grabbed five laxatives, swallowing them all as I wanted to lay down.

The voice in my head didn't allow me to lay down and I started exercising again. I didn't want to stop anymore because I ate more than I had ever done before and kept running and jumping until my vision turned black.

My heart started beating extremely fast and then skipped multiple beats in a row as a lightheaded feeling overwhelmed me. I needed to sit down and panted loudly since I was so short of breath.

I realised I really needed to take a break and laid down on my bed, falling asleep within literally just a few minutes.

1055 words