Finally Free Again

11

Warnings:
-Numbers (weight/goal weight)
-Overexercising

Clay's POV

When I woke up, I noticed it was dark outside. I immediately remembered this afternoon when I was fed and suddenly felt very calm. I was almost sure they gave me some calming medication and I lost every single last bit of my trust in them.

I jumped out of bed and started running around the room as I saw the same boy laying down on his bed. He seemed very tired and looked up at me as I ran through the room and started jumping up and down, then I knelt down to do push-ups and run around again.

'Can you lay down?' the boy asked with a very weak voice. 'I need my sleep.'

'I can't,' I answered. 'I'm sorry. I need to exercise because they forcefully fed me.'

'You can fight against the voices,' he mumbled. 'It's just a voice and the voices are your own thoughts. If you want to lay down, then lay down.'

'It's not that easy, you don't understand it,' I yelled as I kept running.

'I do understand it. You can stop running, you don't HAVE to run. That's what a voice in your head tells you, but that's not what your own voice tells you. You probably want to rest.'

'How would you know?' I panted as I stood still for a second to look at him.

He lifted his hand with an IV. 'Because I have an eating disorder. Don't tell me I don't look like it, because I'll kick your ass.'

'Oh, but I don't have an eating disorder. I just really need to lose weight because I'm extremely fat.'

'You most definitely have an eating disorder,' he answered. 'Please lay down.'

'YOU DON'T GET IT!' I screamed. 'I can't lay down, they tied me to my bed the whole afternoon while they fed me. I need to get rid of all those calories.'

'I used to think like that until I chose to recover. Until I chose living instead of surviving,' he admitted.

'What eating disorder do you have then?' I asked as I started jumping up and down in front of him.

'I'm diagnosed with bulimia nervosa,' he answered.

'Isn't that like bingeing and throwing it up?' I questioned as I ran around again.

'Yeah,' he replied to my question. 'Not only throwing up, though.'

'See, I don't binge and I don't do whatever so I don't have an eating disorder.'

'No, you most likely have anorexia.'

'Yeah, sure. You're funny. Anyway, I'm going to run the whole night to burn these calories. I'm sorry for keeping you awake, but I need to exercise.'

'Alright,' he mumbled. 'I understand how difficult it is, but do consider that you CAN lay down if you want to. Also, my name is George.'

'I'm Clay,' I muttered as I jumped up and down again. 'I need to calculate how much I've burnt and how much I at least need to burn more.'

I ran to my phone and started googling the amount of calories I already burnt, sighing loudly. 'Way too little, I'll definitely need to go on for hours. I'm so fat, they are making up a plan so I'll get obesity and then everyone will start bullying me.'

'You're severely underweight,' George answered. 'Very severely.'

'No! I'm not! Is there a scale here? I need to weigh myself, maybe I gained like five pounds after that tube feeding. Where is the scale? I need to weigh myself, right now.'

'There's no scale here.'

'I NEED TO WEIGH MYSELF, WHAT IF I GAINED WEIGHT?'

'What was your last weight?'

'Disgustingly high, I need to lose twenty more pounds AT LEAST. I weighed 104 pounds, I feel disgusted with myself.'

'Aren't you like 6 feet?'

'I'm 6 feet and 2 inches,' I answered as I jumped higher.

'I'm 5,8 feet and I weigh 25 pounds more than you,' George sighed as I looked at him.

'You're lying, I'm so much fatter than you. I need to lose more. I need to be below eighty pounds.'

'Then you're definitely dead.'

I got really angry with myself and I sat down on my knees as I started hitting my legs. 'I'm so disgusting, I need to lose more weight and they just force me to eat. I'm going to resist all of it, I need to be thinner.'

'You're sick, Clay. Not only physically but mentally too. Anorexia is a mental disorder and it makes you really sick. It will never be enough, I promise you. The scale will never satisfy you and you'll forever see yourself as fat.'

'No, because then I will be beautiful and when I'm beautiful, I'll be able to see that.'

'I can see your bones sticking through your clothes, you're extremely thin.'

I lifted my shirt up and looked at my stomach, poking my "fat". 'Look there's fat everywhere.'

'Everything I see are your bones and skin.'

'There's no bones, there's only fat,' I answered madly, running around again.

I continued exercising for three more hours. George fell asleep after a while and eventually woke up from a nightmare. I looked at him but he shook it off as I sat down on my bed, pulling my shirt and sweats off.

'It's freezing, why are you taking that all off?' George mumbled as I sat straight up in my bed without my sheets on top of me.

'I can't have a warm body, I need to be cold so I burn more. I also need to sit up so I keep burning more because I can't rest.'

'Clay, please listen to me. Lay down, get your clothes and pull the sheets over you. Sleeping burns calories too.'

'No, but I need all the extra calories to be burnt as well,' I denied his offer.

He stood up and grabbed my sweats and my shirt, handing it to me. 'I promise you that you can lay down now. You exercised for five hours or whatever and I'm very sure you burnt everything you ate.'

'But I need to be cold.'

George pointed to my monitor. 'Your body temperature varies from two to three degrees lower than what's normal. Your body is giving up this fight, Clay. Even after all that exercising, your heart still only goes thirty-seven. Your body is giving up and eventually you will die if you continue.'

'I don't want to die, I'm not dying either.'

'Okay, what about this? You pull on your shirt and only lay your legs down under the sheets. You can scoot down a bit more so you're partly laying down and partly sitting up.'

'Too much,' I answered as I felt my eyes closing because I was so tired. I shook myself back awake and looked at George who held my waist.

'Lay down, Clay. You can do it, you can lay down.'

I gave up the fight since I was so tired and he got me to lay down for the first time in weeks. I started moving my legs, but he held them still as he ran his hand through my hair.

'You're losing your beautiful hair because of malnutrition. You're dangerously malnourished and I hope you will see this too one day.'

He pulled the sheets over my legs and I opened my eyes slowly to see him look at my chest.

'You're so incredibly thin, you need to start realising that before it's too late.'

I didn't answer because I got too tired and fell asleep as he held my hand.

1261 words