Finally Free Again

18

I FORGOT TO POST SORRY, DOUBLE UPDATE

Warnings:
-Bullying (body shaming)
-Numbers (weight)
-Mentions purging

Clay's POV

I woke up hours later which caused me to panic since I had to move. I immediately jumped up and started running around as the boy next to me sighed loudly.

'You're literally just dead in a week, my goodness,' he scoffed as I kept running around.

It made me really sad which caused me to be only more triggered to run around. I started jumping up and down until my nurse walked back in. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bed.

'George wants to see you! You need more tube feeding so do you want me to turn that on when George is here?' she asked with a soft smile.

'I really don't want more feeding, it's such a chaos in my head already and I really need to lose weight again. This is killing me, I can't deal with this anymore.'

She sat with me and smiled. 'Do you remember that we were going to ride around the hospital when you've gained five pounds? And when you gain eight more pounds after that, we are going outside together! It's winter and maybe it will snow.'

'Snow?' I whispered as I looked at her. 'Is there snow?'

'A little bit, in a week it's going to snow a lot for a few weeks!'

'Snowman?'

'You need to gain a little bit first, Clay. It's very important to be a little bit healthier,' she answered. 'But if you get to 117 pounds, we can build a snowman together!'

I got very excited since I really wanted to go outside and I smiled brightly. 'Okay, I'm going to try.'

I knew it was a bad mindset, but I also knew I could just lose it all after that. Maybe it would be best if I was allowed to leave the hospital and then I could lose all the weight at home again.

I nodded to myself. I was going to gain a lot of weight and then when I would be at home, I was going to lose every single pound of them and even more than that.

'Okay, then you can turn it on.'

I wanted to gain weight as fast as possible so I was gone very soon. I needed to lose it again as soon as I was able to. Then I would start throwing up, exercising a lot and skipping all my meals since my parents didn't care anyway.

The nurse attached my tube and turned it on without me fighting back. I looked at the door as I waited for George and he walked in with his IV pole in his hand. He didn't look very happy and sat down next to my bed.

'Are you sad?' I asked as he gave me a short hug.

He shrugged. 'I relapsed,' he sighed. 'But it's okay, I'm trying again.'

'What happened?'

'I threw up again because I saw I gained weight and I panicked. I didn't drink much that day so I was dehydrated after that, that's why I'm getting fluids. I'm doing way better now, I'm just ashamed of relapsing.'

'Can you lay with me?' I questioned as I opened my arms. He nodded and climbed in the bed, holding me tightly as he ran his hand through my hair. 'I'm still very proud of you and I'm glad you realise it's bad to relapse.'

He smiled and ruffled my hair up as he looked at my tube. 'How have you been doing?'

'The sweet nurse told me that I'm allowed to go outside when I gain twelve more pounds. It's going to snow so then we are going to build a snowman! I need to gain a lot first, though. I'm not sure if I can do that since it's so much chaos in my head.'

'I'm here for you, I'm encouraging you each day I can.'

'Can you two shut up?' the boy scoffed. 'I'm trying to sleep and I don't need this dumb behaviour next to me. Why are you not just sleeping in this room? I hate that guy anyway.'

'Why the hell are you so mean to him?' George exclaimed as he sat up. 'What did he do to you?'

'He's a dumb skeleton that's just dying next to me. I get triggered by seeing that ugly ass body and he keeps me awake by exercising and screaming for hours.'

'Dude, don't call him that. He's trying his best, okay? I don't know why you're so insensitive, but you're literally in the same unit as him so aren't you also battling with an eating disorder?'

'Yeah, I have anorexia.'

'Okay, Clay has anorexia too. Why did you get admitted to the hospital? Because you ate enough and didn't purge at all?' George scoffed.

He rolled his eyes. 'At least I'm smart enough to realise that I need to start eating when I get forced to go to a hospital. That guy still hasn't even touched food.'

'He gets fed through his tube which is already a big step for him. And he ate a tiny bit of ham earlier.'

'Oh wow, he will definitely gain from a bit of ham. Wow, I'm so proud of you.'

I got more sad with the second and I curled myself up in George's arms. He held me tightly and smiled at me. 'I'm proud of you, Clay. In a little bit, we are going to build a snowman together, okay?'

I sobbed softly as the boy stood up. 'I'm going to ask a nurse if I can switch rooms because I'm so sick of looking at that scary skeleton. I hate him.'

George pulled me closer as the boy walked off and grabbed my hand tightly. 'You're beautiful, Clay. You are very thin, but he's being really mean to you. I think you're beautiful, but I definitely encourage you to gain more weight.'

'I haven't fought against the feeding today,' I admitted. I didn't want to tell him why I wasn't fighting. 'I really want to build a snowman.'

'We are going to if you're stable enough! Otherwise, I'll make a snowman and take picture to show you.'

I smiled and held him tightly as I let the tube feeding go into my stomach. I needed to gain, but I couldn't gain too much. I had to drink a lot of water before weighing myself and have a lot of extra weight on me. I needed to be gone here.

1081 words