Amethyst || H.S.

Chapter 29

*****
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted

*****

Warning- Panic attack, mention of violence, blood, death and suicide.

Viola's Pov-

I told myself I won't break.

But I did.

Not like I could have controlled it anyway.

Everything around me feels blurry. I hear voices calling me, I want to turn around, acknowledge them, tell them I can listen, but I can't. Everything feels too distant and too close at the same time.

My hand just grips the cold texture of whatever object is in my hand a stark contrast to my hot skin, my brain too caught up to even process what it is.

Trauma does things to you. Not caring how old or young you're it takes its toll especially when it's unhealed. It's like an old wound you left thinking it will heal on its own and now it keeps ripping open from time to time and when it rips open many times it starts getting fatal, a small injury becomes cancerous.

The same goes for mine.

I never addressed my trauma I just let it pile up into this tall tower. It got higher and higher with passing years waiting to crash down, destroying everything around me including me. It just wobbles from time to time, like today when something or someone pokes it making it lose its balance not enough to fall but enough to make it unstable.

I'm dreading the day it will crash down.

I know in my hazy brain that I'm walking down the stairs. A very dangerous thing to do when your own eyes are deceiving you.

Gripping the railing on my dear life I push the intrusive thought of just jumping down from here, cracking my head open and put end to this misery.

Wouldn't be the first time anyway.

Noises of footsteps other than mine following me pierces my ears. Everything feels so sensitive. Every little noise, even the drop of a pin right now will feel like a drill in my brain.

Bright sun shining through the big windows of the hotel room after many gloomy days burns my eyes instead of giving me the warmth it's supposed to. Every touch, sensation feels ten times more amplified.

I somehow reach downstairs without hurting myself, with all limbs intact. The living room bright making me cover my face in the crook of my elbow and groan. All I want is to dig a hole for myself and stay there for eternity.

The cold glass of whiskey I made for Richard which my brain acknowledges now gives me a cold sensation near my eyes calming its burning a little.

I feel two strong hands wrap around my wrist and bring them down to my sides immediately making me groan. I know it's him, I can distinguish his touch from millions even when I'm on my deathbed.

But right now it's far from anything comforting. I hear him speak with his loud and deep voice, maybe asking what is happening to me. Without even looking I can imagine concern filled in his emerald eyes.

I dig my nails in my palm tightly without realizing that my other one is holding a glass resulting in it shattering. My eyes snap towards my hand still in Harry's grip, bits of glass stuck in it while blood trickles down on the hardwood floor.

*Flashback*

I don't know how I got here or who got me here. The only thing I know is that I woke up in my bed, under my warm comforter desperately wanting to warm my cold icy body.