TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

Hoes mad

"Give it to me," Tubbo says, hand held out, face stern.

"No." Tommy stands his ground.

" Give it. Now, or else ."

Tommy looks nervously over to Clementine who is happily swimming in the bottle. He tries to telepathically communicate his distress but she just starts making bubbles in the water.

"Tommy, give me the gun."

"I need it."

"Why the fuck do you need a gun?" Tubbo throws up his hands in exasperation.

"For... things," Tommy explains.

"Uh huh, give me the gun. Not only are you a menace to yourself, you are also a menace to society. You're already a bloody vigilante. A gun will only make things worse." Tubbo shudders.

"But I found it first. Finders keepers," Tommy justifies, looping the gun handle around his finger.

"Finders keepers apply to things like -I don't know, food? Toys? Not fucking murder weapons ."

Tommy lifts his hand to placate the distraught teenager, "No, no you've got it all wrong. You see this gun can't actually kill anyone."

Tubbo stares at him, looks at the gun and then back at him, then he looks to Clementine. "You see this shit, dumb fish? That's your so called 'father'"

Tommy huffs, offended. "Stop calling Clementine that! And also, I'm being serious."

Tubbo twists up his face as if in agony, "Tommy it's a fucking gun, of course it kills people," He says it slowly.

Tommy grins, "See that is where you are wrong my dear friend, this gun doesn't even have bullets," He explains, cocking the weapon.

"What the actual hell are you on about, what's inside it then?" Tubbo decides to humour him.

Tommy's smile widens, "I'll show you."

That is when Tubbo realises his mistake; eyes wide he goes to protest only to be shot right in the fucking leg with a pointy dart.

"You dick!"

_____

"Tubbo I'm sorry, I didn't think it would hurt, like, that bad. It was - it was only a dart . I even shot myself with it." Tommy tries to soothingly rub the elder's back only to be shoved right off.

"Well you aren't even normal, you fucking freak of nature, who bloody shoots themselves?! " Tubbo cries in outrage, looking up at Tommy as if he's got issues or something.

Tommy has zero issues. In fact, Tommy is living his best life.

He rolls his eyes, "Just cause you couldn't handle a little pain doesn't mean you should take it out on me."

"You shot me!"

Jeez, this guy really holds onto the past huh?

"Tubbo, that was like ten minutes ago, you need to learn to let the past go; it's not healthy," Tommy advises softly.

Tubbo glares at him, "You have ten seconds to get the hell out of here and find a way to make it up to me."

Tommy gulps, "Shit, okay. Listen, I am actually really sorry about shooting you, it just seemed like you were doubting my abilities as a glock wielder and to be honest I was quite offen-"