" Clementine, I've been down on my crime," Tommy sighs as he puts on his trainers. "The crime stonks are going down, Clementine, and that is unacceptable."
Clementine blows a bubble.
Tommy groans, "Oh my fucking- Philza still has my glock. This is terrible. Do you think I can bribe him?"
Clementine does a twirl.
"Yee have little faith, daughter," He scoffs.
_____
"Philza, I am going to do crime things. May I have my gun?" Tommy asks as he enters the man's office. "Please?" He adds because he is actually a gentleman, very charismatic.
Philza looks up from his laptop where he was probably doing epic things. "No, sorry mate."
Tommy frowns. "If I don't have my glock, I can't do crime things efficiently."
"You shouldn't be doing crime things at all," Philza shrugs, "Be back before midnight."
Oh my Philza .
This is a terrible day for the TommyInnit community.
"Can I bribe you?" He questions.
"Mmm no," Philza snorts.
"I can bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams," Tommy promises. He can probably do that.
"You're not having that gun, you shot five people last time," Philza sighs.
"And I'll shoot five less without my glock," Tommy frowns.
"Yeah," Philza stares, "That's the point."
Fuck.
Tommy lets out a sigh of deep agony, running a hand through his hair. "Philza, lord and saviour. You are a wonderful man, truly a gift to this universe. But today, today you are a wrongun. I'm sorry," He tells him sincerely, placing a palm above his heart.
"Okay mate."
_____
Tommy slams the front door angrily as he walks out into the cold, evening air.
It's bullshit, really. That's he's not allowed his gun.
"How am I meant to crime?" He grumbles to his daughter.
Clementine blinks.
"Oh my Philza , you're - you're so high and mighty Clementine," He shouts. " Meh meh meh meh meh crime is bad Tommy. You know what is bad? Your attitude today, I am going to teach you amazing things and you're taking my tutelage for granted. It's disrespectful. You're disrespecting me."
She does a flip.
"No. No. I don't want to hear it," He huffs, "Learn some manners young lady, Henry is better behaved than you."
Honestly, children these days.
The burden of fatherhood is getting to him.
He adjusts his mask.
Right then.
He doesn't need a gun to crime.
He's fucking TommyInnit, the courageous and athletic and handsome and charismatic vigilante.
______
"Who the fuck are you?" Tommy gasps, horrified.
The guy shrugs, "Oh y'know, I'm just a vigilante."
YOU ARE READING
TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death
Fanfiction"I uh," Tommy starts, not knowing how to break this to the hero lightly. He hates to be the bearer of bad news. "I think your powers are broken? It's not a bad thing of course, but like, I swear you tried to mind control me and it like, totally fail...
