TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

Orthodontist Hate Club UwU

"Absolutely fucking not."

"Tommy, you don't have a choice."

Tommy presses himself against the window, fingers reaching for the handle. "I'll do it," He threatens, eyes wide. "I'll fucking do it."

"Step away from window."

"What? So you can sacrifice me to them?" He laughs incredulously. "I am an intellectual and I can see through your false promises."

"Oh my god, this is like, actually not under negotiation. I will get Philza if I have to."

Tommy places a hand on his heart, wounded, "You would use him? Against me?" He whispers in disbelief, "Despicable."

"Tommy, stop being a dramatic dick and just come on."

"I'll defenestrate myself," He says simply, "I'll do it, right now," He turns the lock and cold air blows into the room, seeping into his hoodie.

"This is so unecessary, you're just- you're just being a bitch at this point."

Tommy closes his eyes and leans back against the open air, "I want freedom or nothing. If I get no freedom, I will make it myself," He declares and falls back.

"Oh my god, you're so fucking stupid, you dick!" Tubbo screams after him.

______

"Tommy," Philza sighs, rubbing at his forehead tiredly, elbows resting on the table. "Why did you jump out the window, mate?"

Tommy sniffs as he inspects his fingernails idly, "My freedom was threatened."

"You could have hurt yourself mate- your what was threatened?" The hero raises an eyebrow at him in exasperation.

"My freedom. And I had the shoes, I knew I'd survive," Tommy huffs, crossing his arms, "I am TommyInnit, I wouldn't die that easily. In fact. I wouldn't die at all. I'm fucking immortal, omnipresent, omnipotent. All that shit. It's me. I'm god."

"Uh huh," Philza nods sagely. He looks so tired. Poor guy. What a man, an absolute legend really. Tommy should book him a therapy session some time. "Let's just- okay," He sighs, "Why was your freedom being threatened?"

"I'm not going to the dentist."

"Orthodox," Tubbo corrects from the corner of the table where he is scowling.

"Orthodontist," Ranboo corrects gently as he passes into the kitchen, grabbing a bag of... something, and then leaving.

"Yeah, that," Tommy grunts.

"You're scared of the orthodontist, mate?" Philza questions with a badly concealed smile of amusement.

Tommy scowls, "No. I'm not fucking scared. Why would I be scared of them? I just don't need to go. There's nothing wrong with my teeth."

"You've had your braces on for fifteen years," Tubbo comments.

"He's had his what?"

"What's the problem with that?" Tommy rolls his eyes. Honestly...

Philza holds up his hand, "Wait just a fucking minute. You've had your braces on for how fucking long? Fifteen years? When did you get them done, mate? In the fucking womb?"

Tommy huffs. "They got me when they could," He admits gravely, expression darkening. "I wasn't as powerful as a mere baby. They planned it. The bastards. They knew they wouldn't get another chance once I evolved into the fucking beast that I am now. They got me when I was vulnerable."