"Pass the salt."
"Hmm, I don't think I will."
"Just pass the fucking salt."
" You pass the salt."
"I- I'm going to strangle you."
"I'll strangle you harder."
"That's- you won't be able to strangle me if I'm strangling you."
"How do you know?"
"Because that doesn't make any fucking sense."
"You don't make any fucking sense!"
"Can we not just fuckin' eat!" Philza slams his hands on the table.
The room falls silent.
Tommy slumps into his chair, glowering over at Wilbur who glares back.
"Why do you shits have to argue over everything?" The man sighs, head in hands.
"I didn't even start this one-"
" All you had to do was give me the fucking salt!" Wilbur screeches.
"Well I didn't want to," Tommy crosses his arms.
"Tommy, just give him the salt," Philza mumbles.
Tommy frowns, contemplative. On one hand, he should listen to the only man ever. On the other hand, he hates Wilbur.
"No," He decides, hatred winning out as always.
"You know what? Here," Ranboob smiles passive aggressively as he hands the salt over to Wilbur. "There we go, all done, everything is fine."
Tommy rolls his eyes and kicks Wilbur in the shin under the table.
"You little shit," Wilbur hisses, kicking him back.
Tommy kicks harder.
"Oh for the love of-"
______
"So, let's have a nice family dinner discussion," Philza smiles tensely. "Anyone got a topic they want to talk about?"
Tubbo raises his hand.
"Yes, Tubbo," He nods encouragingly.
Tubbo clears his throat, "Do you think it's possible to shit in the sink?"
YOU ARE READING
TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death
Fanfiction"I uh," Tommy starts, not knowing how to break this to the hero lightly. He hates to be the bearer of bad news. "I think your powers are broken? It's not a bad thing of course, but like, I swear you tried to mind control me and it like, totally fail...
