H A U N T E D

f o r t y - f i v e

f o r t y - f i v e

⚠️ content warning : mentions of triggering subjects.

January turns to February, with the snow sticking and then melting into puddles. We jump in these small pools of water, throwing muddy droplets around in the air. Jack catches me in the first rain of the coming spring, and he kisses me until flowers blossom in my belly. Valentine's Day promises chocolate pecks and heart-shaped pillows that replace Jack on the nights he goes out to hunt. I wait for him at my windowsill, leaving the window unhatched until I feel sleepy. He knows then that I'll see him in the morning, with new dreams to tell him about. He yearns for my dreams as I yearn for peace.

The changing of seasons in March promises that everything will come anew. Each scab from the past will heal over, and lashes from words will turn to scars. One day, you'll forget how much it hurt once it landed on your skin, and you'll trace your fingers across the bumped skin, knowing how you got them. Sometimes, you'll miss the comfort of being sad. Ghosts pass like the rain changes directions, fast and untimely. Steve stays, he always does. He tries to talk with Jack, but the hole in his neck reminds him of his lost love, so the conversations are fleeting. Jack and I travel down to the Botanical Gardens, where Jack packs me a picnic and a guitar. My fingers fly through the high branches and their leaves, and I lean against a pine tree, where Jack presses his lips to mine. Each kiss is like the first, the fireworks never end.

"If I asked you to marry me-", Jack asks while I make a flower crown, fitting it to his curls. My fingers pause over the daisies, waiting for his words. His skin dances in front of me, sparkling in the new sun. The words catch me off-guard, even though I thought about it. I never cared much for marriage, and even now, I don't. But knowing Jack thinks about it too, causes the deep pit within me to burn, sending warm sensations across my skin.

"To be mine for eternity. To be loved by only me. Would you?", he questions while picking at a tall grass, bending it to his will.

The crown is complete, and I lean forward to place it on Jack's head. His skin and the perfect features of it, make him look like a Fairy King. He places a daisy behind my ear, and the moment feels perfect.

"Only-", I start while tracing my fingers over his nose, his lips, the hollow of his neck.

"If you promise that I won't stop you from loving others when I am gone."

Jack chuckles lowly as if I told him a humorless joke. He pulls me closer, bundling my dress in his fists. My arms find their way around his neck, and I rest my forehead against his.

"Never. You are it for me, you know this."

The way he says it, is like the 11th commandment set in stone. I don't fight him on it, especially when he topples us over. I rest my back in the soft grass of the meadow, where a bee scurries to escape us. Jack holds himself up, careful not to crush me.

"Alice saw it?", I guess. Jack doesn't answer, but he never had a good poker face, especially not when he wins.

It is the fifteenth day of April, that I am left alone at school with Renesmeé as company. I wait for her at lunch, reading through a herb book that Alice gave me, and eat my spaghetti, careful not to stain my clothes. The sun shines through the cafeteria windows, reflecting off from the linoleum floors. For a moment, I worry that the sunlight might be too much for Renesmeé's skin, but she'll most likely know whether she'll be able to enter the cafeteria or not.

"Ophelia?"

Reluctant, I look up from my book, scared of the familiar voice. Nicky Kim stands at the edge of the Cullen table, something that's nearly taboo in this high school. Nobody willingly walks up to our table, at all. It's where the outcasts sit and do their bewitching.