f o r t y - n i n e

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f o r t y - n i n e

The last year of my high school career is a paradox. It was the worst year of my life, it was the best year of my life. I've loved, I've lost, I've learned. After Flynn went to the police station, he came back with red cheeks and bloodshot eyes, and I knew my prediction came true. Alex Kim could not be touched by the law, for a crime committed nearly twenty years ago, despite it being violent. He would not be brought to justice, at least not in this life. That does not mean his secret will stay a mystery. Someone at the station could not contain a secret so sinister, despite the consequences that would follow. 

I saw Alex Kim the other day while walking down the street with Jack, to celebrate my admission to the University of Alaska. I had received the letter in the mail that morning, and Flynn's grand smile along with it made it a memory I wish I could bottle up to carry with me. We were on our way to a coffee shop, when I saw him, walking with his head bent down, while eyes trailed his footsteps. His shoulders were slouched over as if carrying the weight of his sins. My feet froze, despite my urgency to disappear, but my body wanted to stay rooted there, to grow and flourish and rot and die. Jack, the brilliant boy that he is, moved his hand from mine, to place it on my shoulder to push me through a narrow alleyway, in an attempt to hide me from Alex Kim's view. He was a few seconds too late because Alex Kim looked up, his eyes squinted with inebriation and shame, finding my frozen figure, and wide gaze. In that split second, my face pulled into something I never felt, a fit of anger that raged amongst the Greek gods, and promised something I don't know if I can oblige to. Alex Kim grew gray, and I wanted to bask in the fear that radiated off of him. But I knew I couldn't allow it, for him to change me beyond recognition. 

The town know his sins, and I am no longer alone in my anger. I can wreak havoc, and I'd have rebels to support me. But I don't. They condemned my mother, and condemned me, and I will never forgive them for that. In the last few weeks of school, before graduation, many of my fellow students would come up to me, to ask about witchcraft or my relations with Jack, or to simply tell me that they admire my courage. I would let my eyes find their gaze, and their skin would crawl with the disdain in my stare. My tired eyes would find Steve, who would glare at these students, and he'd take a step forward, letting his presence chill them to the bone. It did not take long before no one came up to me anymore, for the uncomfortable presences that followed me would ward off all beings.

I scribble sigils into my candles, burning them in the hopes of all evil staying away from me. My hands are stained with colors from crushed roses and fruits, attempting to make spell jars to fill my life with positivity. I hide these things from Jack, knowing that he'd tell Carlisle, who in turn would tell my newly appointed therapist, Doctor Regina.

One night, I woke from a nightmare, my throat parched from groaning in my sleep. I didn't want to drink water, so I crept downstairs to pour myself a glass of OJ. I thought Flynn was already in his bed, but my footsteps froze on the stairway when I heard low voices speaking. Flynn was on the speaker phone with someone, and I realized it was Jack.

"What did she do when Nicole approached her?", Flynn asked, referring to that morning when a distraught Nicole came to confront me. She didn't dare touch me but demanded an explanation for the rumors going around.

"It was the strangest thing, Flynn", Jack reported with a quiet sigh.

"It was like she wasn't there. She stared at Nicole, who was literally screaming in her face. Her eyes were empty. I guess Nicole got annoyed, and she tried to hit her, but-", he trails off, leaving the conclusion in the air, for a split second.

"Ophelia catched her hand and Nicole shrieked, as if someone was burning her. Ophelia didn't even flinch, she just walked away."

Yes, this year has been quite life-changing. And this small town has changed me, for the worse.

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