Don't Look Down

Chapter 2

Frank pov

I walked back to the school, taking each step with a drag of my feet. It was a four story building so I figured it would be perfect for what I was about to do. The fourth floor was for janitorial use only. Stairs to the fourth floor were hidden. Freshman year I'd spend lunch talking to the janitors since I had no friends to fill the void. In the process, I found the location to the steps. They really have no use other than for janitorial work or electrical repair, but here they are, having more meaning to me than ever.

Once I was on the fourth floor, I found the next set of stairs that led to the roof. I pushed the heavy door open and was engulfed in the cold evening air. As I approached, I could almost feel a gravity like force pulling me away. I don't know if it was just the weight of fear or a sign but my dark intentions remained. The vast surface area of the school was really noticeable up here. The space felt empty yet peaceful. I walked around, stalling as I surveyed my surroundings.
I approached the side, taking a guarded glance over the edge. It really feels higher up when you're looking at it from the top perspective...

I swung a leg over the half wall before pulling myself up to sit on the ledge, with my converse dangling over the edge, I felt a rush come over me. I looked down once again now finding comfort in this height. This is definitive, i could die due to this height and I found that oddly peaceful. Death is due soon to come and that fact made me feel beautifully torn between two worlds.

I felt my nerves go a bit crazy in my stomach and my mind raced with a thousand thoughts.

What if I regret this decision...

Well what if you don't?

If this sort of mentality was applied to everything nothing would ever get done. Just endless choices and unchosen solutions.

It didn't matter about if I regretted it or not.

What mattered was that I could no longer poison myself and the lives of those around me with my insignificant existence. I hope with a heavy heart that mom can move on, and every last asshole I've ever met in my lifetime can have the satisfaction that "the ugly faggot" killed himself. Because apparently they so desperately desire that.

I can be free from them, the memories, the pain. All unnecessary aspects that weigh my life down. Everyone gets a somewhat happy ending...right? I could completely end it right here and it'd be my choice. I'm in control for the first time in my life and it fells invigorating!

I can even tickle my flair for the dramatic as I enact this grim deed behind the facade of the soon to be setting sun.

End with the sun.

For some odd reason I like the way that sounded. I don't know, maybe I'm just trying to conjure a bigger meaning to all of this. I mean before now I was so sure of what I wanted. But now... I'm just afraid. Afraid that I'm really nothing more than one person and sad that the world will continue to spin on an axis even after I'm gone.

The pure sun has the easy job, it's death is temporary. After the night, the sun will rise tomorrow and this feat will continue for many eons to come. But me, and all the rest of humanity will reach a definitive end. An endless night with no sun to follow.

I stood up, ignoring the way my legs trembled. The tips of my shoes neared the edge, the front lined up with the cut off of rough concrete I began to wonder. I was never much of an adrenaline junkie but I definitely see the appeal as I drowned in the human chemical makeup. My heartbeat was fast and almost consumed by anxiety causing the blood pumping through my veins to hammer against my skin. I suppose it won't be a problem much longer... I just have to get past this. I will do this, I will do this, I will-