Don't Look Down

Chapter 29

Frank pov

"I'll never understand." I whisper to the wind as I ran my fingers over the carved letters of Linda M. Iero on the tomb stone. "Beloved daughter, mother, and wife." I read aloud. "Wife." I repeated with a shake of my head. I didn't consider what him and my mom shared to be love or even a marriage. It was a prison.

I sighed as I looked around. It was really windy today and the sun seemed to coward behind the clouds as if to purposely add to the dreary situation.

I set the red rose down gently on the grass. "You were allergic to roses." I sniffled already feeling the tears come at the memories. For the first time in a few days, her death felt a thousand percent real again. Just like the moment when I first found out, not only was my world shattered, but so was my heart.

I collected myself slightly before continuing. "The least you could've done is left me a note of some sort. You owed me that! Just leaving me here wasn't- wasn't fair." I picked a dandelion that was growing next to me and gave it a harsh blow to cause the seeds to depart on their journey with the wind. Moving on to grow elsewhere. To benefit from the death of the original weed.

"It's funny because there was a point where I was supposed to be the one who died, but I didn't. Sometimes, I wonder what would be different in the world if I did kill myself when I had the chance. Would you be alive somehow? Would anyone miss me? I'd sure as hell wouldn't be going through this pain. The wanting and the longing for your mom and knowing that feeling will never be satisfied is the most awful thing." I looked up from the meaningless stem in my hand and at the stone that now represented the life my mom used to have. Not only does it represent her life, but her death as well.

Fucking ironic in my opinion.

"I blame myself, you know? I-I feel like I could have stopped you, but in all honesty I don't share the only blame. My dad is a horrible person. Why didn't you get a divorce?" I choked out. I asked her this once long ago. Her answer was,

'We'd lose everything if I divorced your father. Your home, any money, your family- I own nothing anyways. I have nothing to pay a lawyer with. I'm sorry Frank.'

I was young. My only reply being 'why do we even need a lawyer?' Damn, I'm not even sure I understood what divorce meant at the time.

She just smiled that reassuring smile that got me through all these years, it would make me feel like everything was okay. No matter how fake the smile was It always felt real, but every child wants to believe everything their parents say and do is sincere. Sad I'll never see that smile ever again.

I'd give anything.

"This is supposed to be my goodbye....since I didn't go to your funeral. I'm sorry about that by the way." Tears were leaking from my eyes and I couldn't calm down. I let out a strained hiccup and reached for the rose. It looked like a red blurred mess in my watery vision.

My hands shook as I held it between my fingers, ignoring the thorns. I lifted a hand to violently pluck each petal off one by one till they were scattered along the dry grass. "I love you. Always will. It's a shame there's nothing left of you here to love me back."
~
Gerard had gone to school today while Mikey and I stayed home. Mikey was still cooped up in his room and Gerard was irritated. Not with Mikey, but with himself. He cant decide if breaking Ray and Mikey up was the correct decision. Honestly, I don't know and quite frankly, I think there is no right or wrong decision.

Gerard entered the room and the smile from his presence immediately fell from my face when I saw him. "Gerard what the fuck? Are you okay?!" I exclaimed as I saw his cut and slightly bruised face and body.
"I'm okay, Frankie." He said with a gentle wheeze as he breathed in.

"You don't sound okay. W-who did this to you?" I asked as I frantically grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and wetted it. I dabbed it against the bleeding gash on his forehead. He leaned against me for support.

"I got in a little something with some guys at school today. Don't worry about it." He groaned weakly.

"Gerard! I want to know what the hell happened! Please?"

"L-Later." He managed to croak out before collapsing against me.

I felt to the floor with him in my arms. "Gerard?! Can you hear me? MIKEY!!"

Next chap MIGHT be Mikey pov cuz why not :0
-Kayla