Don't Look Down

Chapter 20

Frank pov:
History. My only class without Gerard. It consists of spitballs to the back of the head and evil glares from people I don't even know the names of. But they sure know mine, funny how that works.

"Frank?" My head lifted up from my notes.

"Yes? I'm sorry what's the question?" I murmured out to my teacher who looked annoyed with me.

"Never Mind. Just pay attention." I nodded and looked back down at my pathetic notes. I ended up turning the page and doodling.

The bell rang and the room erupted with chatter as people desperately tried to exit through the one tiny doorway. "What'd you draw there, fag?" I cringed at the sight of the guys from last week in which I discovered one's name was Brian Hood. He smacked my notebook out of my hand and it fell to the ground.

"Oh you know, just your mom." I sighed as I picked it up. Worst comeback ever invented in my opinion, but it did seem to piss him off. The guys' eyes narrowed.

"You think your clever?" He spat.

"Well not really-"

"Just shut up."

"Fuck you!" I spat as I looked for a painless way around the situation.

"Watch yourself queer! You don't have any fag boyfriend to save you this time." He sneered as he gave me a shove.

"L-leave me alone." I tried as I walked a few more steps down the hallway. I felt my collar being grabbed and I was pulled back. My books fell to the floor but that was my last worry at the moment.

The hallway was empty and were at the east wing of the school. Only two class rooms and the library were over here.

Panic settled in and the fact that everyone left to the west part of the building for their unified arts classes. No one was here to help, even if there was their last concern is me.

They pushed me to the floor and the back of my head smacked against the ground. One held me down my my shoulders while my arms and legs flared around and in the process scratching someone. "Shit! You little shit!" Brian exclaimed then gave me a clear smack across the face. I winced and my cheek stung and tingled. I realized there was now a bleeding scratch down his arm.

We struggled for a moment longer before they just stopped. I opened my eyes to see them grinning evilly. "You know I was going to make you painfully pay for scratching me and for even being born, but looks like someone beat me too it." He smirked deviously. I realized my shirt was up slightly, exposing my bruised and discolored stomach. My eyes widened and I jumped away from their touch. "Or did you do that to yourself emo?" He laughed amusingly. I shook my head feeling tears well up in my eyes. It was the truth, I didn't do this to myself, but you don't exactly tell your bully your dad did this shit to you. "You did! Why didn't you just kill yourself while your at it? Huh?! You're pathetic." Brian stood up; obviously amused with the situation like this was some hilarious ironic joke.

They began walking away but not before giving me a forceful smack to the back of the head then disappearing around the corner.

I was breathing heavily as tears threatened to leave my eyes. I couldn't believe that just happened. I'm thankful for wearing long sleeves Or they would have seen much more. Much worse. Not that they would care or pity me, but the experience is still quite degrading.

I picked up my things and put them in my locker. I was supposed to be in art class with Gerard and Ray right now but I wasn't in the mood to see anyone. Especially since I could practically feel my cheek swell. I didn't even wanna see it.

I made my way to the library. It was empty student wise but the librarian was asleep at her desk. I wouldn't be surprised if she was drunk or some fucked up shit like that. I walked to the back of the room and sat in between to book shelves that no one used. I sat down and leaned back against the wall. I rested my forehead on my knees and let the tears silently fall.

Was I really this pathetic? I let all this shit happen... I'm so weak that I can't even kill myself. Sometimes I wish I had never had listened to Gerard that day.... I mean, I love Gerard, God I love him so fucking much that it makes my heart swell, but I feel like he could do so much better than me. In fact, I know he could.

I can't help but think all the other aspects of life that don't involve Gerard are not worth all the painful negativity that gets rained on me. If I did die I'd be hurting Gerard, but he'd get over it. It wouldn't be hard.

I can't decide if I like or hate the idea of Gerard moving on. I mean, I'd be dead so my opinion wouldn't exactly matter or technically even exist but whatever.

I want Gerard to be happy, I guess I just hate the idea of someone else being with Gerard because all I want is to be his and make him happy. Though, I feel as if I somehow fail to be good enough. He's so perfect and deserves so much more than what I could ever give."

I let out an extremely attractive sniffle and wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

I'm almost completely positive art class was over and Gerard and Ray were in study hall. It sucks Mikey is younger; he misses out on so much.

I wonder if Gerard's looking for me. I hope he isn't. I don't wanna be found especially since I feel, and look like shit.

I'm so weak. I'm in a fucking library crying and hiding from my boyfriend and best friend because I'm scared they'll see how pathetic I actually am. It's times like this I want to self harm. I'm not addicted and since I live with Gerard I have no way too. I have no blades.... I want them.

I lifted my head and looked out the window to distract myself. It was raining; of fucking course it was. Way to help my fucking mood, Mother Nature.

I heard the bulky library door open and some student enter. I leaned forward to look through the cracks in between the shelves to try and see who it is. I'm quite far away so I could see the person but I couldn't make out who it was. "Why hello Ray. How are you dear?" Well that answers my question. Great so now Ray was here and the librarian was awake. "Uh good. I'm have you seen Frank Iero in here? He is missing from study hall." Ray sounded worried and I almost felt guilty for hiding for two class periods. If Ray was looking for me it probably means Gerard is looking for me too.

"No sweetie, I haven't." I'll call your teacher if I see him."

"Okay. Thank you. Have a nice day!"

Ray was so polite and not socially awkward. Always so bright and kind. Traits he shared with Gerard. Except, Gerard can be socially awkward at times, probably why we get along. I wish more people were like Ray, Gerard and Mikey.