Don't Look Down

Chapter 27

Frank pov

I didn't go to her funeral. I just couldn't bare to see her. Not to mention face my father. Watch him shed fake or maybe no tears as he inhaled the sympathy from those who actually cared for her.

She was buried at the cemetery in the secluded north part of town. About a mile or two away from the place Gerard and I had first somewhat kissed. I'd probably go visit her soon, when I can visit by myself in peace and quiet. Fall apart for one last time before I try to move on, though it's more like starting the tediously prolonging process of forgetting.
I have faith in myself and I'd like to think so does Gerard.
~
I awoke from my sleep and stirred around under the hot blankets. I stretched out my arms and legs ignoring the sting as a yawn left my lips only to still my actions once my arm was met with something warm and I realized I wasn't alone in the bed. Gerard was still laying with me.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Did you sleep?" I asked my voice rough.

He shook his head. "Not tired." He smiled as he sat up. I pursed my lips and shook my head.

I remembered how a few hours ago he spilled out a small part of his emotions to me and thankfully it made me feel better. I don't hurt as much, one less weight on my chest though many remain.

One thing nobody can help fade is the longing to see her that is burning in my stomach, a fire
that never seems to dull no matter what I do. The thought that you'll never get to speak to that person ever again just brings a strange sensation over me. It's more nostalgic than I can bare.

Our hands were still grasping onto each other gripping tightly. His hands were very warm now and slightly sweaty. I rubbed the back of his clammy hands with my thumb while my eyes stared at his flawless facial features.

The hazel eyes that captivate me like a moth to a flame held a loving look in them as he peered down at me. I smiled and my eyes trailed to his thin chapped lips. I could no longer resist the urge as I leaned up and lightly pressed my lips to his.
Electricity filled my body down to my fingertips and for a second I forgot what I was sad about. I'll admit Gerard has always been good at making me forget.
~
Gerard managed to somehow drag me out of the warm confines of his bedroom and into the kitchen. "You hungry?" He asked as he made two cups of coffee. I shook my head as I examined my fingernails before lifting one to my teeth.

"Where's Mikey?" I mumbled as I realized it was all too empty here.

"Went out with Ray." Gerard sighed as he handed me my mug.

"Oh." he somehow still hasn't managed to realize their an item, they've basically been connected at the hip lately.

Maybe it's more of Gerard doesn't want to admit to himself that there relationship is more than friendly. "They've hung out a lot." Gerard stated then threw me a look.

"Have they?" I asked, playing dumb not wanting to betray Mikey or Ray under any circumstances.

"I mean, haven't they? I just feel like I'm missing something." Gerard's eyebrows furrowed together in deep thought. I shrugged before taking a sip of my hot coffee. "You okay?" Gerard asked to change the subject. I half smiled as I thought a little about my answer.

"Yeah, I think so." I sighed. Gerard nodded. "I'm sorry." I murmured.

"Frank, wha-"

"For stressing you. I can tell you haven't had a full nights sleep in awhile. God, sometimes I wish you didn't care so much." I admitted. Here's looked at me stunned.

"I'm always gonna care, Frankie." He sighed like that was everyone's common knowledge.

"I know. Thank you. It's just in my head I feel like if you didn't care it would be better for you. Like if you left. I don't know. I just hate it when you worry, especially if it's about me." I looked down at my barely distinguishable reflection in my coffee. I know how random and crazy I must sound right now.

"I only worry if there is a reason to. Besides, what's best for me is you. Frankie, I want nothing more than for you to be happy and I don't care if that means I have to be stressed for the rest of my life in exchange. Quit over thinking. I'm fine."
Was I overthinking? I mean yes, I think a lot. I just don't want Gerard to be secretly unhappy.

"Fine. Just don't be afraid to put yourself first every so often." I argued.

He smiled. "Alright." He leaned against the counter as he took a huge gulp of coffee.

"Gerard can you promise me something?" I asked.

"Anything."

"You will sleep tonight. Not watch me sleep." I said sternly as my eyes locked with his.

"P-Promise." He said hesitantly.

"What is it?" I asked at his uncertain tone.

"Nothing. It's just I always seem bad at withholding promises." He laughed awkwardly.

I shrugged not really seeing the significance of it, but I guess we've been making list of unsteady promises lately. "It's sleep Gerard. I didn't ask you to solve the matrix."
~
I awoke in the middle of the night and reached over to Gerard only to be met with cold empty air. "Gerard?" I asked sitting and looking over at the empty spot next to me on the bed.

I pulled off the covers and got up. I shuffled out of the room toward the family room where the lights were on. Gerard sat on the couch with his head in his hands. "Gerard come back to bed. wha?!-"

"Mikey isn't home yet. He left this afternoon."

"Gerard it's fucking 1:00am." I whined. 

"Go back to bed. I'll be there when Mikey gets back." His foot tapped against the carpeted floor nervously.

"Did you try texting him or Ray?"

"Yeah. Both of them. Neither replied-" just then the front door swung open and in waltzed Mikey and Ray grinning like idiots, that is until their eyes landed on a very pissed off Gerard way. Mikey's immediate reaction was a huge eye roll that had so much sass I was shocked his glasses didn't fly off. Ray on the other hand looked scared shitless and guilty as fuck.

"Gerard I-"

"Save it Ray!" Gerard cut him off as he stood up with his hands squeezed into fists at his side.