Don't Look Down

Chapter 11

Frank pov:

"Frank? Oh my god!" Gerard exclaimed, shocked at my state. He pulled me inside and set me on his couch. He didn't seem to care as I buried my face into his shirt, sobbing violently on his shoulder mumbling incoherent sentences into the now damp fabric. "You're safe Frank, you're okay." He whispered as he rubbed my back. I knew I was safe. I could feel it.

It took some time for me to eventually calm down, but once I did little Gerard moved to make me some tea. I could tell he wanted to ask what happened. He looked at me with all that concern spread across his features. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it." he cooed then moved a strand of hair out of my face. I took a small sip of my tea then stared at it, noticing the ripples in the liquid as the mug shook in my hands.

I think Gerard noticed too because he took the mug from me and sat it on the coffee table in front of us. "Did he hurt you?" He asked soundlessly. He knew the answer to that question yet he asked anyway. Even he is guilty of clinging on to that little bit of hope that life isn't as fucked up as he believes it to be.

"And my mom." I wheezed out. Gerard let out a huff and for a brief moment I could feel his rush of anger almost like a shock of electricity. My eyes still burned on the verge of tears but I just want to be done crying. Gerard hates what's going on inside my house and he knows there isn't much he can do about it. That's why he's angry. Because it's out of his control. I looked up and I could see his now sullen expression before he rested his forehead against my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Frank. I wish-I wish it wasn't like this for you. I'm sorry." I realized he was crying cause his voice was shaky and he sniffled a little.

"Please don't cry..." I begged. I don't want to be the reason for him crying. Not ever.

"Where'd he hurt you?" He murmured. I looked over at Gerard's beautiful sorrow filled eyes and ran a hand over my sore stomach. His eyes followed and he reached for the bottom of my shirt before pulling it up and over my head.

It wasn't super bruised right now but the old faded bruises where still visible. I turned my forearms over to hide my cuts. He traced a finger over the dark marks on my ribs, and my stomach sucked in at the pain. Gerard looked up at me through his thick eyelashes with a apologetic look on his face. I know he felt bad but this is not his fault.

If anything it's mine. I chose to go back...

I reached over and grabbed my shirt but he stopped me. He lightly grabbed my wrist and began to turn it over. "Gerard no-" I said curtly. Panic rose in my body and I leaned away from him out of reflex.

"Frank, please, let me see." He pleaded with a broken voice.

"I-I can't." I couldn't hold back my tears as they began to run down my cheeks like a stream bursting through an old dam.

"D-did you do this to yourself?" He questioned, so much pain woven in his voice, I know it is because he already knows.

I didn't reply, I just couldn't. I felt so vulnerable and ashamed. I'm falling apart in front of him and I'm scared of the consequences. He reached for me again and this time I let him see.

"Frank." Was all he said.

Does he hate me?

Does he think I'm ugly?

I know I am.

"I know. I'm pathetic." I let the sentence leave my lips without thinking.

"Don't ever say that. I just wish I could have done something-anything." Silence hung in the air painfully. I think Gerard just needed a moment to take it all in.

He suddenly leaned down and gently ran his lips up my arm before going across my collar bone to my jaw eventually reaching my neck. He lingered there for a moment, leaving kisses that made my stomach flip. He began moving down my torso to my ribcage where he kissed all the sore places, but it didn't hurt; it felt amazing.

"I wanted to hurt myself so badly earlier..." I admitted as Gerard came back up to my neck. My hands began to tremble as I recalled the bad thoughts and Gerard reached forward to hold them. "But then, I remembered that I didn't have to use that as an escape anymore b-because I had you," I attempted to swallow the huge lump in my throat so I could continue. "It's so nice to know that I'm not alone anymore," Gerard attached his mouth to my skin and sucked gently. I wasn't used to the feeling, but I definitely liked it. In any other situation it would've driven me crazy, but right now it just made me feel loved. "I don't deserve you." I sighed out as I melted against his touch.

"You deserve everything." Gerard breathed against my skin, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine. He trailed his lips up my jawline again and eventually met my lips to his.

It was was a short kiss that still managed to make my world explode and crave more.

Gerard pulled away with hooded eyes and parted lips.

"Frank I lo-...I-I think we should get some sleep. You need to heal and put this all behind you. We'll talk more in the morning."

I nodded then pulled my shirt over my head. The simple action was more difficult than it should have been. The ache I felt in my stomach was equivalent too being sore from too many sit-ups. I sighed as I cuddled up against Gerard's warm body. I felt my muscles relax and within minutes I felt myself slowly drifting off into sleep.

The soothing feeling of Gerard playing with my hair with his delicate fingers and the movement of my head rising and falling against his stomach as he breathed made me feel safe and the emotional and physical pain numb. I heard Gerard say something, but in my exhausted state his words were distant. I fell into a deep sleep and I honestly never wanted to wake up.